


It's never too late

by snoopyzeus



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Soft Kim Jungwoo (NCT)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:22:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28562724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snoopyzeus/pseuds/snoopyzeus
Summary: Jungwoo and Jaehyun have been best friends for as long as the pair can remember, happily ignoring their true feelings in their beloved friendship group. If someone didn't know them, they'd be easily forgiven for assuming they're dating, yet they continue to claim that they are solely close friends.So what happens then when Jaehyun gets a girlfriend, and Jungwoo realises it hurts way more then it should?Can The Gang save their best friends and their friendship? Can The Gang find happiness together and can Jungwoo and Jaehyun be true  to themselves. Or is it too late ?
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Jungwoo, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung & Lee Taeyong
Comments: 34
Kudos: 115





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fic so please be kind <3  
> i’d love to hear what u think please let me know!  
> stay safe & happy  
> -m

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sleepover <3
> 
> Jungwoo & Jaehyun’s closeness has never gone unnoticed by The Gang, but for how long can it continue until they realise themselves ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first chapter and I’m kind of nervous aha ! I hope you enjoy and I’d love to hear what you think so please let me know :) Enjoy!  
> \- M

Johnny : okay gang group sleepover at mine tomorrow?? 😜😜  
Mark : yesssss sounds good hyung 👍🏻  
Jungwoo : will there be snacks ??  
Johnny : erm is my company not enough for you woo !?  
Mark : woo 😅  
Jaehyun : oi im with woo where’s the fun if there’s no food ?  
Jungwoo : 😌😌 can always count on u jj 😘  
Jaehyun : ofc ofc  
Yuta : 🧐  
Doyoung : 🤫  
Haechan : lol i’ll come  
Taeil : sure i’ll come :)  
Taeyong : yas if grandads coming i’m coming ☺️  
Taeil who u calling grandad brat ?? 

“The Gang”, was a name given by Johnny's Dad when the boys were only in elementary school. Most likely because there’s not really another word that suits, for  
“a group of misfits” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Despite the boys’ different ages and different backgrounds they click in a way they’ve never experienced with others before. The dynamics work perfectly. The blend of different personalities; the quiet, the loud, the intelligent, the funny, each member different but united by the memories they share as a collective. Ultimately however, regardless of any differences the friendships between The Gang has gotten the boys through everything, for there is nothing they wouldn’t do for each other.

Their sleepovers remain the highlight of their weeks, for when school isn’t taking over their every second (or at least Taeil, Mark & Doyoung’s every second, the others aren’t too bothered) they love to hang out as much as they can. It would be fair to describe them as being inseparable, it’s rare to see them not hanging as a collective unit.

Johnny tends to be the host for their sleepovers, a role which he thoroughly enjoys. His parents bought him an apartment when he began high school and it happens to be the largest out of all the boys' places. His parents' intention may have been a place of study and success but they can’t help but find joy at the friendships Johnny has maintained since childhood. They find The Gang’s frequent presence at the apartment endearing. Taeil rents an apartment only down the hall, meaning two of the three eldest live in the same block. It’s fair to say this side of town is a hot spot for the Gang’s emotional support. Yuta lives in the block next door to Johnny and Taeil, and Doyoung and Taeyong live together just nearby. They’ve been a couple officially for the past year but their feelings were transparent since they all grew old enough to understand what romantic feelings are. Jaehyun joins the couple as part of the “middles” as Haechan calls them, living in an apartment on his own towards the other end of town. Jaehyun chose the city view and independence over the bustle of the town centre. Jaehyun values his independence and has done since he was younger, choosing self reliance over relying on others. Haechan's student accommodation sits near Doyoung & Taeyong, leaving the remaining “babies”, Mark & Jungwoo, to live together in the centre of town.

Mark and Jungwoo have been best friends since the beginning and they’ve always remained adamant that they will continue to be for all eternity. Despite Jungwoo being older than Mark, the elder has grown to rely on Mark for support many times over the years. As soon as they got to high school, they applied to live together and have enjoyed their apartment ever since. There’s been endless nights of laughter and joy, finding happiness in even the smallest of things. There've also had nights of upset and pain spent together, but when they confide in each other, everything seems brighter for the pair.They can read each other inside out and Mark knows how lucky he is to have Jungwoo as his Hyung.There’s certain sides to Jungwoo which Jungwoo doesn’t want the World to see, he may have the widest smile known to man, but that smile is not there all the time. Jungwoo has had it tough over the years. For a long time, his mind was his biggest enemy, and the effects of that troubled him for a long time. That’s why The Gang are so special to him, for despite everything that happened, they never turned their back on him. Instead, they indulged him in love and support and helped him through all that was happening. All the boys have a soft spot for Jungwoo, they’d do anything for him, and he would return the favour in a heartbeat. Jungwoo adores each member of The Gang, he has a specific and special sort of love for all of them.

He loves Taeil like he’s his second Father, teasing him, bickering with him throughout the night, but also spending hours playing Kart Rider together with him and Haechan over coffee. Haechan is The Gang’s youngest member, and Jungwoos precious Dongsaeng. Someone who brings out his playful side, hence the frequent game playing. Johnny and Taeyong are who Jungwoo describes as his playful Hyungs, the two he reaches for when his favourite songs come on at the disco, or the two he shows his favourite and funniest snapchat filters to. Jungwoo and Johnny are the kind of friends who don’t chat about the serious things but are always there to send each other memes to make each other laugh at any time of day. Jungwoo sees Taeyong a lot, as he relies on Doyoung’s cooking frequently meaning he’s often at their apartment. Taeyong grew closer to Jungwoo through his boyfriend and now he loves his friend more than ever. Jungwoo also has his sensible Hyungs, Doyoung and Yuta, two of Jungwoo’s favourite people. It’s not that they’re sensible in the boring sense of the word, but they’re sensible in the way that as soon as Jungwoo has a glimmer of a problem, they’re never too far away. They protect Jungwoo with their lives and adore everything about him. In their eyes he is perfect, any flaws lay not at the fault of Jungwoo but at the fault of what the World has unfairly gifted him. During the dark times of Jungwoo’s life he learnt to rely on Doyoung and Yuta immensely, and he is forever grateful for them.

Finally, there’s Jungwoo’s beloved Jaehyun. Jungwoo loves Jaehyun and being honest, one could argue that love isn’t a strong enough word. Jaehyun is very different from Jungwoo, he’s quieter, calmer, but that hasn’t stopped their bond from growing over the years. Jungwoo has always had a soft spot for his Hyung, calling him JJ Hyung, a name Jaehyun usually hates, but one which he finds endearing coming from Jungwoo. Their closeness is a rare kind and The Gang find it adorable. It’s odd however because neither Jungwoo nor Jaehyun have noticed it themselves. The Gang know they will one day. They just need to hold on tight until then. 

Jungwoo’s friends have become as close to Jungwoo as any biological family member. Being honest, they’re probably even closer to him. His friends are his support network, his family, his safe space, his everything. He doesn’t know where he’d be without them. Being honest he doesn’t like to think about that, it’s scary to him, overwhelming. Jungwoo doesn’t need to spend too long thinking about that however, he knows they’ll have each other forever. 

“Johnny Hyung Johnny Hyung my lovely little Johnny Hyung”, Jungwoo sings as he throws his arm around Johnny's neck, charging into his Hyung's apartment.

“Hiya Woo” Johnny replies fondly, hugging the excited boy back. 

Mark closes the door behind them “sorry we’re late Hyung, this one wanted some snacks.” Mark says fondly. 

Johnny pauses. “Woo, I was only kidding you know? I have snacks for you?” 

Jungwoo gives a small grin. “Can you ever have enough snacks?” He says with a wink, flattered at his Hyung's efforts for him.

“Woo-ah! Mark-ah! finally” Taeyong exclaims as the other boys walk into the kitchen where Johnny is standing with the two late arrivals. 

Jaehyun throws an arm around Jungwoo, “so what’s this I hear about snacks eh Woo?” 

“You’re the only snack around here JJ Hyung,” Jungwoo replies with a wink.

“Ohhh he flirting!” Mark exclaims. Doyoung rolls his eyes as he grabs Mark by the arm. “Come on team, let’s go start the film” 

The gang snuggle into the chairs as they bring out their blankets and pillows. Johnny arranges all the snacks onto the coffee table and sits on the couch next to Taeil. On the other side of Taeil sits Yuta quietly sipping on his drink. Taeyong and Doyoung are sitting on the armchair next to yuta as Mark and Haechan lie out on the floor. On the chair to the left of the room sits Jaehyun and Jungwoo. One would never know the chair was only built to one as the space between them is so small it leaves room for another. Quiet laughs can be heard from their side of the room. The perfect harmony of Jaehyun’s lower pitch coming from the stomach and Jungwoo’s higher pitch giggle.

“Would you two please keep it down, we’re watching here!” Haechan exclaims with a small eye roll. 

“Sorry Channie'' Jungwoo responds.

Doyoung taps Haechan on the shoulder and quietly whispers into his ear “oi let ‘em be. How can we mind a little bit of noise when they’re smiling so much” 

Haechan looks over and is met by the site of Jungwoo and Jaehyun smiling, love shining from their eyes. He turns to Doyoung and nods, Doyoung winks in response and they turn back to the film. Happy at the joy of their best friends.

It doesn’t take long for the gang to fall asleep, slowly drifting into dream land. School had taken a lot out of them that week and God knows they could do with a good night's sleep. Taeyong fell first, softly breathing into Doyoung’s chest as Doyoung ran his hands through his hair. Taeil and Johnny drift into sleep next, curled under Taeil’s blanket. Haechan and Mark stay awake for a while longer, playing kart rider against each other, engaging in a round of incredibly tense competitions. Eventually, after Mark admits defeat they decide to sleep leaving Yuta, Doyoung, Jaehyun and Jungwoo awake.

Jaehyun & Jungwoo haven’t noticed most of The Gang are asleep and they haven’t even noticed the film has ended. They’ve spent the past hour laughing and whispering to each other without a care in the World. Jungwoo has Jaehyun cracking up at his impression of his teacher, whilst Jaehyun delighted Jungwoo in telling him all about his recent theatre classes. 

“It’s amazing JJ, to think one day that’ll be you.” 

“What’ll be me Woo?” Jaehyun asks, slightly confused. 

Jungwoo smiles. “You! On the telly, in a film or I dunno on a stage, it’s gonna be you, the star of any show. The star of anything. I’m just really excited for you.” 

Jaehyun struggles to hide his joy at Jungwoo's excitement, blushing slightly at his friend's kindness. “Ah Woo I appreciate that and you’re the best for saying that but we’ll see. It’s tough out there. Let’s just get through college first eh? We can worry about the future later!”

Jungwoo smiles. “If you’re here Jae, I can get through anything” 

Jaehyun blushes again and holds out his hand, waiting to feel he comfort of his best friend. Jungwoo hits his hand back and pulls Jaehyun closer, something that hasn’t been missed by the only other two awake in the room.

Doyoung struggles to hide his smile at the two in the corner. As he looks up he meets Yuta’s eyes and whispers “how come you’re not asleep?”

“I'm enjoying watching these two,” replies Yuta. “They really are in their own little world.” 

Doyoung looks over and sees the pair fast asleep. Jungwoo is learning his head on Jaehyuns chest, and neither Yuta nor Doyoung can ignore the fact he’s fallen asleep with a slight smile climbing up his face. 

Yuta turns fully to Doyoung and whispers “I’m not sure we’ve ever made them as happy as they make each other.” He winks. 

Doyoung smiles “I know Hyung, everyone knows that, just not them two." 

Yuta pauses for a second “they will. Give it time Youngie”. 

Doyoung smiles “I hope so. Night night Hyung.” 

“Night night” Yuta replies.

As the night falls over Johnny's living room, a sense of calmness fills the air. Taeyong and Doyoung sleep with their hands intertwined, lying peacefully in the presence of their friends. Opposite in the mirroring arm chair lies a similar sight, however not within a couple, but within Jaehyun and Jungwoo. Jungwoo's hair lays across Jaehyun's cheek as his arm rests alongside. There seems to be an element of comfort over the pair, for they lie angelic in each other’s company, the lack of distance between the two not seeming out of place but instead seeming perfect...

As if it's the way that it’s always meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go the first chapter ! I hope you enjoyed the Jaewoo fluff! Please let me know if you enjoyed :) 
> 
> I cant wait to update soon ! Don’t get used to all this happiness ;) 
> 
> Stay safe  
> \- M x


	2. The Exchange Student

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun is asked to look after the Theatre Department’s new exchange student, Shotaro.
> 
> Shotaro & The Gang get along straight away, with Shotaro finding a love for his new friends. 
> 
> When Taeil invites him along to their sleepover Shotaro notices the closeness of Jaehyun and Jungwoo, and begins to wonder whether anything is going on within the pair. For is there more to them than meets the eyes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thank u for reading the first chapter & i'm so happy you’ve continued to the second ! i hope ur enjoying so far :)) 
> 
> this chapter is all about shotaro, and him understanding the groups dynamic, particularly the bond between jaehyun & jungwoo. shotaro will be crucial to the story so i hope u like his introduction <3
> 
> enjoy!

The Gang woke up late Saturday morning, making the most out of the chance for a lie in. Doyoung and Taeil cooked everyone breakfast which they all enjoyed and ate with huge smiles. The food didn’t last long, especially with Jungwoo and Haechan bickering over who could eat more, disgusting Taeil with their way of shoving his lovingly cooked food into their mouths. They discussed their plans for the rest of the weekend, finding that between them, there was no real plan on how to get through all the school work they had been avoiding. Jungwoo couldn’t help but laugh at the difference between the clear panic painted on Doyoung’s face and the calmness over the other’s. Jungwoo himself was excited for the rest of the weekend, yes he did have some engineering papers to sit through but he also had football practise, and also a dance rehearsal, two events he was very much looking forward to.

There’s not many students who could balance dreams in the field of mechanical engineering whilst also engaging in other activities. Add to that Jungwoo maintaining his friendships, and it shows the many lives of Kim Jungwoo. But Jungwoo doesn’t see it as a bunch of tiring commitments, he sees it as a challenge he loves. Jungwoo has danced for as long as he can remember, loving the feeling he gets as the music enters his soul. As well as loving it, he’s genuinely really good! Mark has all of his trophies up on their shelf in prime position so Jungwoo can never forget how talented he is. Taeyong works as a choreographer at the dance studio so the two frequently engage in discussions about eight counts and stretches for flexibility, and Jungwoo loves every second of it ( even when it confuses the other boys). The love for football is all Yuta’s fault. He thought Jungwoo could do with some fresh air back when they were only 13, so he dragged a sulking Woo along to practise with him and next thing you know, Jungwoo was going every week and plays with Yuta whenever he can.

Jaehyun left the sleepover first, having the furthest journey to take and also the most amount of work left to do for Monday. He gave his typical handshake to all of the boys and thanked Johnny for letting them stay. Jungwoo was standing closest to the door and as Jaehyun went for a handshake he was pulled into a tight hug and was soon trapped by the long limbs of Jungwoo. 

Jaehyun laughs in surprise, “Oi Woo I’ll see you Monday you know!” 

“I know Hyung but let me know when you get back safe.” Jungwoo grabs his shoulders, “be good!!” which he delivered with a wink, not noticing the slight smile creeping over Yuta’s face on his left hand side. 

Doyoung and Taeyong were next to leave, stood hand in hand as they said their goodbyes. As Taeyong stood talking with Johnny, Doyoung pulled Jungwoo to the side and gave him a small hug. Jungwoo smiled at his Hyung’s softness, “you okay Hyung?” he asks, 

“I’m always okay if you are Zeus, you know that.” Doyoung squeezes Jungwoo’s hand “I like seeing you this happy Woo, hold onto it yeah?” 

Jungwoo grins at his Hyung's kindness. “You’re the best Hyung. I already can’t wait to see you on Monday.” Doyoung reaches up and squeezes his cheek before then going to thank Johnny. He then heads out the door with Taeyong, leaving Jungwoo with one last grin.

After staying to help Taeil with the washing up, Mark grabs his coat, getting ready to leave with his roomate.

“Channie are you coming back with Woo and I?” 

“No that’s okay thanks Hyung. I think imma stay here, work on some maths homework with Taeil Hyung.” 

Taeil sighs and rolls his eyes “What you mean by that Haechan-ah is that I’m gonna do your maths work for you isn’t it?” 

The others burst into laughter (especially Haechan) as Mark and Jungwoo grabs their bags. 

Mark high fives Johnny, “thank you for having us Hyung!” 

Jungwoo grabs Johnny from behind “Always a blast with you Hyungie.” Johnny smiles fondly in response, turning to ruffle his hair. 

“Bye bye Woo, safe home guys, see you both next week.”

Mark and Jungwoo head back to their apartment together, laughing and joking all the way back. Jungwoo can't help but feel as though there's something present in the air, something he can only attempt to describe as this innate sense of happiness drifting through him. There is nothing in life that makes Jungwoo as happy as his friends do, nothing brings him the same amount of joy. He can’t help but think over the conversations he had with Jaehyun last night and he smiles just thinking about them. For Jungwoo, it’s always been the smallest of moments which mean the most for in moments of panic and anxiety, it’s these small moments which get him through. Jungwoo doesn’t know who he’d be without The Gang, but he doesn’t need to worry about it too much, for a bond like they have can never be broken. 

Or at least that’s what he thought.

Monday morning rolled around quicker than the gang would have liked and their unimpressed moods were clear as day as they sat around the canteen table at lunch. The moods were split into the three categories. There was Doyoung, Taeil and Taeyong who had already completed the work assigned during period one, not a worry in the World. Then there’s Jungwoo, Mark and Yuta, who have done enough to get away with, but nowhere near enough to be able to rest confidently. That leaves Haechan, Johnny and Jaehyun who aren’t completely sure what day of the week it is, just sat in stress. 

Whilst The Gang were sat enjoying their lunch (particularly Jungwoo who was already tucking into his fifth slice of pizza) Doyoung spotted one of the theatre studies teachers walking towards their table. He nudges Jaehyun under the table and nods in the teacher’s direction. Jaehyun quickly spotted the teacher and sat up as the others notice the arrival and stopped talking also. 

Jaehyun bows politely, “hello Sir, how are you?” 

The Gang have to stifle their laughter at their friend's sudden politeness.

“Hello Jaehyun-ssi I’m good thank you for asking, could I possibly borrow you for one minute please?”

“Er yes of course, yeah.” Jaehyun stands up in surprise and follows him away from the table, the others looking around at each other in confusion. 

“Oooo someone’s in trouble… OW! Hyung! What was that for??” Haechan squeals, rubbing his arm where he's just been hit by Jungwoo. 

“It’s Jaehyun Hyung, you know he won’t be”, he exclaims.

Luckily for Haechan, Jaehyun returns quickly, however he doesn't return on his own. The Gang looks up in surprise as Jaehyun clears his throat.

“Erm hi guys. This is Shotaro, he’s an exchange student from the local theatre school.” 

Shotaro bows and smiles nervously around the table. “Hi! I’m Shotaro. It’s so lovely to meet you.” 

The Gang smile warmly at the new arrival, drawn in by his sweet looking face and bright eyes. 

“Hey bro I’m Johnny, it’s nice to meet you”. 

“Hi Shotaro! So lovely to meet you, I’m Doyoung.” 

As The Gang continues to introduce themselves, Jungwoo can't help but notice the slight awkwardness which is radiating from Jaehyun. Jungwoo understands why, he knows that Jaehyun isn’t always that comfortable around new people. He's always preferred to get to know newcomers before beginning any form of relationship. So that is why Jungwoo directs Shotaro to sit with him. 

“Shotaro! Hi! I’m Kim Jungwoo, come sit with me!” 

Shotaro smiles at Jungwoo’s kindness and takes a seat next to him as Jungwoo begins to ask him about himself. Jaehyun flashes a grateful smile at Jungwoo, and the gesture gets returned with a wink from Jungwoo, as The Gang welcome their new arrival.

It turns out that to The Gang's joy, Shotaro fits in with The Gang’s dynamic immediately, and they all feel grateful to get to spend time with him for the next week or so. As someone studying theatre, he can chat with Jungwoo and Taeyong about dance, and he can also chat with Taeil and Doyoung about music. Shotaro’s happy too with this new group of friends, feeling as though he's known them forever. The reason Jaehyun’s teacher asked him to keep an eye out for the newcomer is because he was worried he wouldn’t make new friends, yet here he is loving this new group.

That weekend, Taeil decides to give Johnny a break from hosting and invites The Gang round to his house for a sleepover. Taeil decides to reach out, and to invite Shotaro too.

Taeil : heya jae, just wanted to ask if you wanna invite shotaro along tomorrow night just i don’t have his number ?  
Jaehyun : hi hyung i deffo will thank you! looking forward to it already 👌🏻  
Taeil : great! x see u both then

Shotaro finds himself wiping away tears of laughter as The Gang tuck into some pizza sat around Taeil’s dining table. He still can’t believe how welcoming they’ve all been, he was so excited when Jaehyun said he was invited to their sleepover, and had been looking forward to it all week. He genuinely feels as though he has a new group of Hyungs to treasure. If anything, he’s disappointed at the prospect of having to go back to his own school after his exchange period is over. 

He particularly finds himself drifting towards the company of Mark and Jungwoo, having spent multiple evenings at their apartment over the week. He's never met anyone like Jungwoo before and he’s loving every second of his company. Shotaro finds himself watching the dynamic between Jungwoo and Jaehyun throughout the week and he can’t help but notice how close they are. It seems different to how Jungwoo and Mark interact, despite them being best friends. Similarly, how Yuta and Jungwoo are so close, but Yuta looks like a father figure to Woo. Likewise how Doyoung is Jaehyun's best friend and Taeil is his supportive Hyung, each frienship has it's own dynamic. Shotaro views it as a deeper bond between Jaehyun and Jungwoo, not necessarily a better one, just a different one. It's clear to see that Jaehyun's eyes light up when he discusses Jungwoo and his antics, and Jungwoo’s cheeks gain a slight blush when discussing the elder. Shotaro finds himself noticing the similarities between Doyoung and Taeyong and Jungwoo and Jaehyun. These two best friends seem to mirror the year long couple and Shotaro can’t help but notice. 

The night carried on and The Gang watched films and ate even more (especially Jungwoo). They sat continuing to laugh until it hurt. They stayed up until the early hours of Sunday morning, telling Shotaro stories about their lives together and enjoying the company of their new addition. 

“I can’t believe you all thought you could skip school together and not get caught. Like as if no one would notice!” Shotaro shouts whilst bursting into laughter.

“It was all Jaehyun’s idea! Blame him!” shrieks Doyoung, who then throws a pillow in Jaehyun’s direction. 

“Oi Hyung you can continue to cry about it now but it doesn’t change the fact that at the time you agreed!” Jungwoo says, rushing to Jaehyun's defence.

Jaehyun throws an arm around Jungwoo whilst he laughs at the shock exploding across Doyoung’s face. “Well thank you Woo, I’m glad someone’s got some sense around here!” Jaehyun winks at Jungwoo before continuing, “honestly Shotaro you should have seen Hyung when we got caught, he cried !” 

“No, I didn't!” yells Doyoung but from the look on his face, it’s clear he’s lying, leaving all The Gang in fits of laughter.

Eventually, after teasing Doyoung a little bit more, The Gang fell asleep, all wrapped warm under Taeil's old blanket in his homely living room. Taeyong and Doyoung fell asleep with Taeyong’s head resting on Doyoungs chest, cuddled together. Meanwhile the others were dispersed around the room in their sperate places. Well, all of the others apart from Jungwoo and Jaehyun. They were also lying under one blanket, leaving no space between the pair. Both were asleep, lying with faces of tranquillity and calmness, looking at peace in one another's company. 

After only an hour or so, Shotaro woke up, needing a drink. It seemed to him that the others were all still asleep so he decided to wander into the kitchen. He grabs a glass and turns on the tap, jumping slightly as a tired looking Doyoung walks in, rubbing his eyes. 

“Ah Hyung did I wake you up? I’m so sorry, I thought I was being quiet” Shotaro asks guiltily. 

“No, no don’t be silly Shotaro-ah. I couldn’t sleep and I heard someone walk in here. I thought they may like some company?” 

Shotaro smiles and hands a glass of water to the elder. 

“Thank you”, he takes a sip. “So, how do you like The Gang then? What did you think of your first sleepover with us?” 

Shotaro returns Doyoung’s large grin. “Ah Hyung I’ve loved it! I wish I could stay with you guys for longer! You’ve all been so welcoming.”

Doyoung smiles, “you’ve fitted in so well, I’m more than sure you’ll be here again. I’m glad you were put in Jaehyun’s class Shotaro but being honest I was surprised at first. He isn’t always the best around new people, so I wasn’t sure how good he’d be at introducing you to everyone."

“Really? Jaehyun Hyung?” Shotaro asks. “He’s always seemed so happy!” 

“Oh yeah he is happy, one of the most cheerful people I know! He’s just not always that comfortable around new people. That’s all.” Doyoung explains. 

“You know, I wasn’t completely sure that he liked me at first.” Shotaro says to Doyoung’s surprise. 

“Huh? Why would you think that?” Doyoung asks, with a confused look on his face. 

"Oh it’s nothing bad Hyung! I just mean at that first lunch time, when I sat with you guys in the canteen? Well he was really quiet with me, but you know I was next to Jungwoo Hyung? Well I could see him being all happy with him and it made me wonder what I should be doing differently. It’s fine though, Hyung just needed to get to know me first!” 

To Shotaro’s surprise, Doyoung burst out into laughter. “Oh Shotaro, if we all compared the way Jaehyun is with us to how he is with Jungwoo then I think we’d all believe that he doesn't like us.” 

Shotaro responds in confusion “wait what do you mean?” 

But before Doyoung has the chance to answer, in walks a tired (and slightly cranky) looking Yuta. “Hey Doyoung-ah I can hear that bunny giggle of yours in my sleep, what on Earth is cracking you up at this Godly hour?” 

“I’m sorry Hyung but I promise you’ll find this funny too!” Yuta looks expectantly towards the pair as Doyoung continues.

“Lovely Shotaro here was worried that Jaehyun didn’t like him, because of how differently he acts with Woo.” 

Yuta’s tired looking expression disappears into a smile “Ahhhh so Shotaro has noticed too has he?” 

“Noticed what Hyung? What haven’t I noticed?” Shotaro asks, even more confused. 

“Well, let’s just say you’re not the only one who enjoys watching Jungwoo and Jaehyun. And you’re completely right by the way, they do act differently with each other…

We’re just waiting for them to notice too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> thank u for reading ! i hope u enjoyed 🥺💗
> 
> the drama starts next time ! so don’t get used to the fluff, it’s all about to kick off ;)
> 
> please let me know what u think ! 
> 
> -m x


	3. The Remark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Shotaro makes a harmless remark about the relationship between Jaehyun & Jungwoo, Jaehyun realises that he might need to make a few changes to their friendship.
> 
> Little does Jaehyun know that these changes may have started the downfall of the two best friends, potentially forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> firstly thank u so much for over 100 hits 🥺 i’m so happy thank u so so much for reading. i hope ur enjoying! 
> 
> this chapter is where the drama starts & i hope you’re excited!
> 
> enjoy !! <33

Eventually, after their late night kitchen chat, Shotaro, Yuta and Doyoung made the sleepy return back to dream land to join the rest of The Gang. It’s fair to say that they regret it the next morning however, when they are awoken way earlier than planned to the delightful (ish) sound of Jungwoo and Haechan’s high notes. Don’t worry though, they’ve been practising, much to The Gang’s dismay. Yet another sleepover done with, and it’s been another one which they have loved. They never imagined welcoming a newcomer in with them, but they’ve loved having Shotaro’s company, he’s fitted into the group perfectly. 

When Shotaro arrived home later that day, he kept thinking about the conversation he had with his two Hyungs in the kitchen on the Saturday night. He hadn’t really envisioned the idea that maybe more than a friendship was present between Jaehyun and Jungwoo, but he can’t deny that it makes a lot of sense. The only way that Shotaro can understand it is that the way he speaks about those he loves most in the World, his parents, his siblings, is how Jungwoo and Jaehyun speak about each other. And it is different, for Shotaro has spoken to them both about their families and it wasn’t present in that conversation. That sparkle in the eye, or the way smiles engulfs both of their faces. Shotaro doesn’t fully understand the situation but he remembers that Yuta said Jungwoo and Jaehyun themselves were yet to realise. But he never actually specified what it was that they were yet to realise. Surely, if they like each other as much as it seems they must have addressed it? Or at least thought about it? But then Doyoung was seemingly finding their attitudes funny so? Shotaro admits defeat, but he wants to find out more.

That's why on Monday morning, when Jaehyun and Shotaro were sitting together in the library, attempting to work through a theatre assignment, Shotaro decided to take the opportunity to speak up. Right as Shotaro was about to mention his questions in conversation, (in the most subtle way he could manage) Jaehyun smiled at something popping up on his phone, and he began typing. 

“Hyung!”

“What?” 

“We’re meant to be studying you know!” Shotaro frowns jokingly at Jaehyun.

“Ah sorry gimme a sec I’m just replying to Woo, you know what he’s like'' Jaehyun says with a small smile. 

“You guys really do talk all the time don’t you Hyung?” 

Jaehyun looks up. “Well erm not exactly all the time lol.” 

“Hmm, I don’t know Hyung. I see you guys texting in the middle of lessons, in the middle of rehearsals, literally on Firday in the middle of a fire drill!” Shotaro laughs, “it’s sweet!” 

Jaehyun blushes slightly, “huh? sweet?” 

“Yes! Sweet! Everything about the two of you is sweet Hyung! Honestly who knows but I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re the next Doyoung and Taeyong! You know...

an actual couple!” 

Shotaro bursts into laughter, but Jaehyun doesn’t join in. Instead, his eyes widen slowly as his face begins to pale. It doesn’t take long for Shotaro to notice his discomfort.

“Hyung-” 

Jaehyun cuts him off. “No wait you've gotten this wrong, Jungwoo and me… me and Jungwoo… no wait I don’t…” 

“Hyung I was just kidding, sorry I didn’t mean to…” 

Jaehyun interrupts him again. “I’m not… you know.” 

Shotaro can’t help but notice the fear written across Jaehyun’s face and desperately seeks to remove it. “Wait Hyung, it’s okay if you are! I don’t care whatever, I didn’t want you to feel embarrassed!”

Jaehyun’s voice rises in pitch. “Embarrassed? What am I meant to be embarrassed about? I have nothing to be embarrassed about because I’m not whatever you are suggesting I am!” 

“Hyung, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Jaehyun notices the guilty look on Shotaro’s face and forces out a laugh. “You didn't upset me! No not at all! You’re making me… laugh. Yes, laugh. Because of how ridiculous that was. God me and Jungwoo, Jungwoo and me imagine that!” Jaehyun continues to laugh, but with each breath, the laugh sounds more and more fake. He's desperate for the conversation to change, for the current one to have never taken place.

Shotaro thinks his easiest option is to join in with the laughter despite how wrong it seems. He laughs too, simply to ease Jaehyun, but he feels uncomfortable doing so. 

Jaehyun clears his throat. “Anyway Shotaro I have somewhere to be, so Imma see you later okay?” Jaehyun flashes a quick smile and before Shotaro can respond, Jaehyun has walked away, getting quicker with each step.

As soon as Jaehyun escaped and he could then think on his own he began to feel panic rising through his chest, growing quicker and quicker. It was causing his heartbeat to increase, fear and confusion running through his mind. Jaehyun puts his head down and begins to increase the speed he's walking until he finally reaches outside and the accompanying fresh air. He can't help but find comfort at the fact that no one else is around, finding solice in the silence. 

Jaehyun leans back against the wall and takes a deep breath. It’s almost as though his mind is travelling at a thousand miles an hour, but his body is stuck stationary, trapped as the World around him begins to spin. He feels as though he’s about to suddenly fall off the edge, until then suddenly he feels a vibration coming from his pocket.

Woo : hello jj ☺️ hope ur having a good day hyung & i hope to see u later for a coffee or something? 💗

Despite the circumstances, Jaehyun can’t help but notice the way his heart immediately slows down at the sight of Jungwoo’s name. It feels to Jaehyun as if he’s been handed a life line, one he can’t bear to let go of. He feels as though normality has now returned through his veins and he can breathe again. 

Why am I panicking? Jaehyun thinks to himself. Shotaro has known the pair for what, just more than a week? His opinion shouldn't matter but yet it does, it matters a lot. And that’s because there’s part of Jaehyun that knows Shotaro is completely right. Things with him and Jungwoo are different. He can deny it all he likes but deep down, he’s known it for a long time. Whatever he tells himself, Jaehyun knows that he feels safest when he’s with Jungwoo. Ever since they were tiny, whenever Jaehyun was feeling stressed or angry, he wouldn’t talk about it, not to anyone. Instead, he would wait for Jungwoo to give his beloved JJ Hyung a hug, and for Jungwoo to tell him it’d all be okay. It was like magic to Jaehyun, and it would always work like a miracle. There’s no one else Jaehyun would send hearts at the end of a text to, and if anyone else dared to call him JJ he would slap them into next week. 

Oh shit, he thinks, are they all thinking this? Do they all know how he truly feels? Shit.

Jaehyun : hyung, are u busy?  
Doyoung : hey jae no i’m just in the library with tae. i was just about to text u actually. i bumped into shotaro & he said u left in a bit of a hurry. are u okay ?  
Jaehyun: oh that? yeah i just felt a bit hot for a sec but all’s okay now 👍🏻  
Doyoung : brill i’m glad to hear it! so what can i help you with ?  
Jaehyun : well here’s the thing… i don’t quite know how to phrase this  
Jaehyun : basically i’m just wondering if  
...  
Jaehyun : ah it’s not working  
Doyoung : hey jae whatever it is you can talk to me okay? just take a deep breath for me, and try again  
Jaehyun : are woo & i weird?  
Doyoung : ?? ahaha jae you’re two of the weirdest people i know ! 😂  
Jaehyun : no not weird like that, i mean is the way we are together weird? as in me & woo together.  
Doyoung : i’m sorry jae i don’t think i understand ?  
Jaehyun : you know we’re best friends right? well is that how we act? like as friends?  
Doyoung : ofc ofc you doughnut !! you guys seem the closest ever ! wait why? have u guys fallen out? which one of u kids do i need to have a word with?  
Jaehyun : no no no nothing like that hyung! no need for a word with either! so we do come across as close then?  
Doyoung : the closest ever! i think taeyong wishes us two could be more like u kids 😉😂  
...  
Jaehyun : ah  
…  
Jaehyun : okay then  
Doyoung : jae??  
Jaehyun : sorry hyung i’m still not feeling too well. thanks for ur help anyway. i’ll speak to u later 🤛🏻  
Doyoung : erm okay jae. u know where i am if u need yeah? x  
Jaehyun : ofc, thank you

Jaehyun sighs. This can’t be happening. He loves Jungwoo. More than anything in the World, but not like that. Surely not? 

Suddenly, it’s as if in front of his eyes lies a timeline of their whole friendship, and it’s running through his mind non stop. When they met all those years ago, all the birthdays and the birthday parties hiding away from the crowds Jungwoo always hated. The school trips, how they’d always beg the teachers to let them share a room with Mark and Doyoung, staying up all night playing card games and eating sweets they’d smuggled from home. Then of course there’s all of the little things. The way they always know exactly what to say to cheer each other up. The way they’d always leave their bedroom windows open, just in case the other was struggling at home and needed somewhere to stay. The hours upon hours talking about anything and everything; and as silly as it was, those conversations are something he would never change, even if he had the chance. 

But this still isn’t right. Jungwoo is his friend, and that’s it. A friend and nothing more. So that’s why he sends a text. 

Jaehyun: hi winwin ? it’s jae. from ur fourth period theatre class? i’m sorry to bother u  
Winwin: oh hey jae! 😌 this is a nice surprise it’s good to hear from you! you okay ?  
Jaehyun: sorry this is so out of the blue aha but do you remember a few weeks ago. at sungchan’s party, you said that girl hana said she kind of liked me ?  
Winwin : lol yeah i remember. and to which you said “that’s a shame” if i remember correctly 😂  
Jaehyun : erm yeah that one aha 😅 well please could i possibly have her number?  
Winwin : ooo someone’s changed their mind then 🤪 sure lemme forward it to you !  
Jaehyun : thanks mate ! 👌🏻  
Winwin : anytime bro. have fun! 😘

Only a minute later, Jaehyun receives the notification of the phone number. This feels so wrong, Jaehyun thinks to himself, so so wrong. He’s met Hana once or twice before and Jaehyun remembers her as always being lovely... 

but she’s not jungwoo.

No, Jaehyun thinks. He can’t let himself think like that. He can’t have people think he’s into his best mate, it’s not like he’s even into guys, he tells himself anyway. So that’s why he makes the decision to text Hana, and ask for a date. 

As the warm day continues, lunchtime arrives quickly to The Gang's joy. They sit together as they love to do, all enjoying their lunch and each other's company. 

Jaehyun is the last to arrive and as he arrives at his seat he's met by a pouting Jungwoo. “Hey guys. What’s that face for Woo?” 

Jungwoo gasps dramatically. “What’s what face for? Oh you mean this face? Well It’s for you!! You didn’t reply to my text!” Jungwoo pouts again but he’s met by a blunt response. 

“Sorry Woo. Got caught up”.

Jaehyun isn’t blind to the flash of confusion written across Jungwoo’s face. Jaehyun usually replies to Jungwoo immediately, regardless of what’s happening. Meaning only a second later kind of immediately. For him to ignore it and then respond like that is a change to their usual manner.

“Oi Jaehyun-ah, you brat. Be more grateful please! At least you got a text”. Yuta has spotted the hurt in Jungwoo’s eyes and tries to lighten the mood. Jungwoo is sensitive, and that’s not in a negative way, just in the way that he often worries about other people’s opinions of him. That might be a trivial subject to some, but to Jungwoo, it makes him anxious. Yuta knows that, he can read him like a book and Jungwoo is happy to have him there with him. 

“Tell me about it Yuta Hyung, I live with this kid and I didn't get even a single letter of a text!” 

Jungwoo glares at Mark “Erm who are you calling kid pal?? I’m your beloved Hyung !!” 

The Gang laughs and Jungwoo is glad that his best friends are present to clear the mood. He thinks that Jaehyun just must be tired or stressed about a class.

“Okay Gang so obviously our lovely new friend Shotaro is leaving us soon.” Johnny says as The Gang look sadly towards their new friend. Shotaro smiles back at them all. Johnny continues, “so I was thinking, we’ve obviously gotta have a sleepover round mine! I don’t mind whether it’s Friday or Saturday, which works best for you all?”

Haechan answers “Hyung what about Friday? Then it’s a party for Shotaro straight after school ends that day?” He nudges Shotaro gently and continues, “so there’s no time to be sad!” 

Shotaro smiles in response, “fine by me!” 

Jaehyun clears his throat, “erm guys I can’t do Friday.” But instead of giving any reason as to why he can’t attend something he always makes time for, he just stares at the table being uncharacteristically quiet. 

“Why JJ?” Jungwoo asks. 

Jaehyun takes a deep breath...

“I have a date.”

Silence.

There’s a pause around the table. Just for a second until Haechan holds his hand out for a high five. “Ayeee get it Jae Hyung!” 

Taeil joins in the celebrations “Ah I did wonder why you’d been so happy recently!” 

Jaehyun pauses. “What do you mean, Hyung?”

“Well you’ve been in such a good mood recently. It’s been great to see, almost as if someone’s been making you a very happy guy” says Taeil with a wink and large smile. 

At that moment, Jungwoo locks eyes with Jaehyun. Jungwoo takes a deep breath waiting for a response. 

“Yeah I guess I have been. Well… 

that’s all down to Hana.” 

Ouch, Jungwoo thinks.

Guilt floods through Jaehyun's body. He knows he’s talking absolute rubbish but he can’t help it. He doesn’t miss the way Doyoung locks eyes with Yuta, both an equally concerned and confused look coming from the pair. He doesn’t miss Haechan smiling brightly until Mark nudges him from under the table to which he then suddenly frowns, realising the mood. He doesn’t miss Johnny and Taeyong looking disappointed, or Taeil looking like he has no clue what’s happening. 

But most of all, he doesn’t miss the way Jungwoo looks like a puppy who’s had their favourite toy taken away, and the sight is hurting his heart. 

“Oh I’ve met Hana!” says Shotaro. “She’s lovely,” but it’s clear to see he’s just saying that. Shotaro is clearly just as confused as all the others.

Johnny desperately seeks to make the situation less awkward. “Erm okay well congrats on your date my man! Obviously I’ll be there to pick your outfit!” He says with a wink.“So Gang. Mine on Saturday then?” 

The Gang can only nod in silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoyed this chapter ! i really enjoyed writing this one :) 
> 
> what do you think? is this the beginning of the end for jaehyun & jungwoo? and what will hana be like? 
> 
> please let me know what u think it really means a lot 🥺 
> 
> stay safe & get ready for next time ;) 
> 
> \- m x


	4. The text

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Jaehyun prepares for his first date with Hana, Jungwoo is struggling with the pressure of losing his best friend. 
> 
> Can The Gang keep Jungwoo afloat? Or will Jungwoo end up sinking as it seems their friendship already has?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :)) 
> 
> thank you so much for 200 hits 🥺 i’m so happy & i hope ur enjoying the story so far! this chapter focuses on the build up to jaehyun’s date and how jungwoo & jaehyun are both dealing with the stress very differently. 
> 
> i really hope u enjoy this chapter ! <33

The Gang’s lunch ended very quickly after Jaehyun dropped his bombshell. He was thankful for a way to escape, practically running out when it was time for his theatre meeting. Jaehyun was happy that he had Shotaro for company, it was a distraction from the guilt crawling around in his mind. Taeil and Johnny headed off to the library, both having projects to work on. Taeyong and Doyoung had a free afternoon, so they decided to head into town, leaving hand in hand ( with Haechan following after them). 

That left Jungwoo, sat with Yuta and Mark. They had finished their lunch so decided to sit outside on the grass, thinking the change of scenery might do them some good. Yuta and Mark were discussing a basketball game they had watched the night before, and despite the fact he had enjoyed watching it with Mark, Jungwoo sat there in silence. Neither Yuta or Mark could focus on their conversation either; both could not stop looking over at Jungwoo, who was just sitting staring at the ground, picking grass. It’s clear to both of them that he’s upset but neither know how to even attempt to address the situation. 

Mark decides to try. “You okay Woo?” 

“Yes Mark. Are you okay?” 

Mark doesn’t miss the way Jungwoo snaps. “Yeah I’m okay thanks Hyung.” 

The silence that comes next is deafening, but Mark understands why it’s there. He knows his best friend, inside and out. He knows that there’s not much Jungwoo hates more than others seeing him vulnerable. He despises being upset in front of The Gang, and that often leads to him suppressing his true feelings. He’s similar to Jaehyun in that respect, for neither of them like to face their emotions. Jaehyun retreats, avoiding any contact with people, whilst Jungwoo uses any tactic he can to not get upset. Both try anything just to swim, for the idea of sinking is terrifying.

Suddenly, Jungwoo stands up off the grass to Mark and Yuta’s surprise. “Right come on then team let’s go.”

Mark asks in response, “huh? Where are we going Hyung?”

“We’re going to get ice cream!” 

Mark and Yuta glance at each other in confusion, but Jungwoo just meets their confusion with a grin. So, Mark and Yuta stand up, grabbing their stuff, and they walk away with Jungwoo. All three have smiles on their faces, but none of them are actually genuine.

As Shotaro and Jaehyun work through their assignment together, Shotaro can’t help but feel embarrassed about his previous discussion with Jaehyun. Shotaro really meant no harm in asking about Jungwoo, it was meant to be a harmless chat, a humerous one even. If he’d known about Hana then of course he never would have gone there. Shotaro hates the idea that he’s made his Hyung uncomfortable, especially as Jaehyun worked so hard to welcome him into the group.

Shotaro places down his pen and looks up at Jaehyun.“Hyung I’m so sorry.” 

“Huh? Why Shotaro you have nothing to be sorry for. What are you talking about?” Jaehyun looks confused, worried at the sudden frown on Shotaro's face.

“When I was speaking about you and Jungwoo Hyung earlier. Remember? About looking like a couple? Well God I had no idea you were seeing someone. I really never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut.” 

Jaehyun places an arm around Shotaro’s shoulder, the guilty look on his friend's face is making Jaehyun feel awful. “Hey no don’t be silly okay? It was funny! Honestly, it’s all good.” Jaehyun hopes that the smile on his face looks more convincing then it feels. 

“Can I ask you though Hyung, how comes no one knew about Hana? Or at least I’m assuming no one did, based off the look on everyone’s face at lunch.” 

Jaehyun pauses for a second. “Well it’s all very new, so I guess I just didn’t want to make it into a big deal you know? 

Shotaro nods in response, “Of course Hyung.”

Doyoung: hi yuta hyung have you got a sec?  
Yuta : hey do ofc ! what’s up??  
Doyoung : are u with woo?  
Yuta : yeah i’m just having some food with him & mark. why?  
Doyoung : i was just wondering how he is?  
Yuta : he’s okay. if anything, he’s too okay. i’m telling you now he likes jaehyun. maybe even loves him idk but how is he being okay with jaehyun seeing someone else??  
Doyoung : i know! i just don’t get it ! and that hana? jaehyun heard the rumour that she liked him ages ago & he didn’t care one bit. he said he didn’t like her??  
Yuta : i don’t understand this at all. all i know is that i’m worried woo’s gonna get hurt. and that scares me. because if he does get hurt, he won’t have jae to help him through it.

The week passes, but not at the speed the boys would like. To each member of The Gang, the week feels like a lifetime. The atmosphere amongst the group is awkward to say the least, the mood feels down and it’s clear something isn’t right. The usual mood maker of The Gang, is the member who is currently struggling the most. Most importantly, the two who keep The Gang together, are the two currently keeping it apart.

Shotaro tries to spend as much time as he possibly can before the week ends with his new friends. It’s a shame it’s being ruined by the constant tension in the air. The tension could be sorted, but no one knows how to admit it's even there. How do you even admit that two best friends are drifting in front of everyone’s eyes, and that there’s nothing anyone can do to fix it? If they admit it, it means they should make the effort to make it better. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

Jaehyun texts Hana frequently, and is finding himself really enjoying getting to know her. Jaehyun has even surprised himself about how excited he is for his date. The issue is that Jaehyun is so caught up in his excitement, he doesn’t see how much Jungwoo is missing his Hyung. A week may not seem like much, but to Jungwoo and Jaehyun, not speaking for an hour seems like an eternity. Jungwoo wants to tell him all the new mechanical engineering jokes he’s managed to think of, he wants to tell him about the puppy he saw at the park last night and the dinner he cooked from his favourite recipe book. But he can’t. Because his JJ Hyung doesn’t seem to be there anymore, or at least not there without a phone screen.

Jungwoo: jj hyung hi 💖 i haven’t seen you much over the last few days. you okay? you excited for ur date !!

Nothing.

Jungwoo receives no response to his text, and it really hurts his feelings. He thought it would be awkward to reach out in person, and the text was meant to be the olive branch, his way of trying to mend the situation. Clearly however, that hasn’t worked. If Jungwoo hadn’t realised there was a problem before, he definitely had now. That’s why he decides to mention it at lunch.

Jungwoo takes a deep breath and leans over towards Jaehyun. He simply asks, “you didn’t reply to my text last night Hyung?” 

Jaehyun’s eyes seem to widen for a second but his expression quickly returns to being blank. “Ah sorry Woo I didn’t see it.” 

“But Hyung I saw that you read it. You read it last night... As soon as I sent it.”

The Gang fall silent, the chatter around the table disappears. All eyes drift towards Jaehyun, and he suddenly snaps, with anger flashing from his eyes.

“Jesus Woo! Why are you checking if I've read a text or not? Is that not a bit clingy?? God I didn’t reply, so sue me!”

Yuta glares in Jaehyun’s direction and Doyoung shakes his head disapprovingly. Jungwoo’s eyes widen and Mark looks at him with a worried expression. The rest of The Gang sit in utter confusion, they have no idea what’s going on. Jaehyun doesn’t talk to people like that. Especially not to Jungwoo.

“I’m going to the library.”Jungwoo suddenly announces. 

“I’ll come!” Mark stands up to go with Jungwoo but Jungwoo quickly cuts him off. “No it’s okay Mark-ah I’ve got work to do.” Jungwoo laughs. “Oh, and of course I wouldn’t want to be too clingy.” And with that, Jungwoo walks away. 

“Jaehyun-ah what the Hell was that all about?” Yuta asks in an accusatory tone. 

Jaehyun looks up with anger in his eyes, “sorry Hyung but I don’t remember mine and Jungwoo’s business being yours as well!”. 

Yuta looks shocked at his friend's response. “Oi watch your tone Jaehyun! If you don’t want me to have an opinion then that’s fine, but don’t be a complete dick whilst I’m trynna eat my salad!” and with that Yuta takes a large bite of his lettuce and the crunch can be heard from a mile away, almost as if he’s pretending to take a bite out of Jaehyun. 

Doyoung senses the tension and seeks to calm them both down. “I think what Yuta Hyung means Jae, is that it wasn't nice the way you spoke to Jungwoo just now. Actually, more than not being nice, it wasn’t very you. What was it about, are you okay?”

“Yeah I am. Sorry Yuta Hyung. He’s just a lot sometimes you know.” 

Doyoung pauses. “Well no Jae actually I don’t know? What do you mean?” 

“Well look yes okay I didn’t reply to his message, but I was talking to Hana all night. And even if I wasn’t, I can’t just drop everything to talk to Woo all the time you know!” 

Doyoung sighs “Jae listen, I’ve been thinking, and I’ve realised I’ve never really heard you speak about Hana before. And any time you have, it wasn’t in a positive way.” 

“So what Hyung? I can’t talk about her at all now?” 

Johnny speaks up. “No Jae that’s not what Doyoung meant and you know it”. 

“Yeah whatever. I’ve got work to do.” Jaehyun looks around The Gang one more time and without a backwards glance, he walks off. 

Doyoung : hey jae i just wanted to say that i’m sorry if i upset you earlier. i was just worried about woo. i know you’re worried about your date and i shouldn’t have been so quick to judge. if you’re happy, i’m happy.  
Jaehyun : hyung i worry about woo too you know. he’s my best friend and i love him but i need to put myself first. this could be special you know? i have a really good feeling & i never thought i’d get that again. especially after what happened last time. i’m putting myself out there again, and as my friend i want you to be proud of me hyung.  
Doyoung : i know jae and i’m sorry i’m so proud of you, taeyong & i both are. i’ll always be proud of you. don’t forget that for a second. and i’m here for you whatever you know that right?  
Jaehyun : it’s okay hyung, and of course i do  
Doyoung : i love you jae. you know where i am  
Jaehyun : you too 🤟🏼x

The day of Jaehyun’s date arrives and it’s clear to see that he’s very nervous. The nerves show for the whole day prior to the date and is focus is away from all his classes. The Gang come together at lunch for one last time with Shotaro before he returns to his school. Taeil buys him lunch and The Gang spoils him with affection, but it’s clear to see that Jaehyun’s mind is elsewhere. 

Taeyong tries to involve him in the group. “So Jae, what are you doing for your date later?”

Jaehyun responds. “We’re going for a picnic, Hyung. I thought it would be nice.” 

Jungwoo suddenly pauses. “A picnic?” 

“Yeah Woo”. 

Jungwoo feels pain at that. A picnic is Jungwoo’s favorite activity. Ever since they were little they’d have picnics for his birthday and whenever they wanted to spoil him. Jungwoo would have a picnic every day if he could, sat in his favourite places with his favourite people, they all know that. 

Mark seeks to clear the atmosphere before it gets any more tense. “Okay well for all us not so love birds, Woo and I are going for pizza later, if you want to come?” 

Johnny and Taeil cheer.

"Wait! what about us? '' Taeyong and Doyoung ask simultaneously.

Jungwoo winks “of course you guys can come! We’ll have a great evening.”

Haechan : holla hyung! just wanted to wish you luck for your date later ! get it gal 🤪  
Jaehyun : 🧐 aha thank you channie, hows it going with u lot ?  
Haechan : good! jungwoo hyung bought us all pizza😊! it was so nice of him  
Jaehyun : well that’s woo for you i guess isn’t it. nicest person around  
Haechan : too right he is! well good luck hyung and i look forward to seeing you tomorrow ! 💛  
Jaehyun : bye channie x

Jaehyun puts his phone away in his back pocket and takes a deep breath. It’s now or never he thinks, so he grabs his jacket and then he’s out the door. 

Hours pass and The Gang are sat in Yuta’s apartment after their meal. They’re chatting about their weekend, and discussing plans for their sleepover the next day. 

“Honestly Woo every time we go out I think you can’t eat anymore, and then you go and eat two whole pizzas!” Taeyong says with a fond smile. 

“Listen here Hyung, it’s been a busy week okay? I earnt it! They don’t call me food fighter for nothing!!” 

The Gang laugh at Jungwoo and his eating habits whilst Johnny puts on a film. They get comfortable in his living room until Doyoung looks at his phone. 

“Wait guys Jaehyun’s just posted on instagram. Isn’t he meant to be on his date?” 

The Gang look over, all slightly confused. 

“Oh really? Is he okay Do?” Taeil asks. 

Doyoung looks down at his phone again and his eyes widen slightly. “Ah. Yeah it’s all good”. 

Jungwoo walks towards Doyoung, “what’s all good Hyung?” 

Doyoung shows them his phone screen where there’s a picture of Hana smiling brightly with the caption 

“the happiest of days with you, thank u han"

There’s a clear difference in the reactions of the boys to Jaehyun’s instagram post. Haechan and Taeil cheer, Johnny and Taeyong smile. Contrastingly, however, Mark looks worryingly towards Jungwoo whilst Yuta and Doyoung look nervously at each other. Jungwoo doesn’t show any expression, he just sits in silence for a minute. 

“Woo?” Yuta says. 

Jungwoo takes a deep breath and manages to force a smile. “I look forward to hearing about it tomorrow”. 

The mood in the room changed after Jaehyun’s instagram update, they all decided to leave quickly after that, all agreeing a time to meet at Johnny’s the next afternoon, hoping tomorrow wouldn’t have such an awkward ending. 

Later that night, Jungwoo lays in his bed staring at the ceiling. Count sheep. That’s what his Mum always told him to do when he was younger. Close your eyes, and count sheep. And that does work most of the time, when you have a clear mind it’s easier to focus on the idea of counting, and Jungwoo never got to more than 100 before falling into dream land. But nights like this are always different. For Jungwoo’s mind isn’t clear. If anything, it’s more like the opposite. In nights like this, even breathing seems a heavy task for Jungwoo. It’s nights like this he’d give anything to go back to being a child again, where a short story from his Mum would make everything seem better. “Breathe Zeus, breathe” Jungwoo whispers to himself, his hands begin to shake. As he looks up, he feels as though he’s seeing the walls cave in on him.

Mark stirs in his sleep, suddenly feeling someone next to him. He sits up and rubs his eyes. “Woo?”

“I can’t sleep, can I stay with you Markie?” 

Mark turns to face Jungwoo “of course you can! It’s been a while since you’ve done this Woo.” Mark pauses before continuing, reaching for Jungwoo's hand. “Are you okay?”

Mark doesn’t get a response, so he reaches out and wraps his arms around Jungwoo. “Jungwoo, I can feel your heart beating…” 

“I’m okay Mark, let’s just sleep.”

Jungwoo curls into Mark and closes his eyes but it’s now Mark who’s struggling to sleep. He isn’t convinced. He remembers in the past nights spent in this same bed hugging Jungwoo as he cried himself to sleep. Nights spent calming him down, helping him to breathe properly and the image is stuck in his mind. Mark takes one last look at Jungwoo, who’s finally fallen asleep. He looks peaceful, Mark thinks, like he hasn’t a care in the World. That’s when Mark realises, he’d do anything to make sure Jungwoo sleeps peacefully every night. He'd do anything to keep him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so much for reading! i hope u enjoyed this chapter :) 
> 
> jungwoo's beginning to struggle :( will it continue to get worse ? or will it get better ? 
> 
> do u trust hana ? or is all not as sweet as it seems with the “happy” pair? was it really the “happiest of days” ? 
> 
> what was jaehyun meaning when he mentioned the last time he tried to date ? what’s happened in his past ? 
> 
> please let me know what u think! 
> 
> see u next time ! stay safe <3
> 
> -m x


	5. The puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungwoo puts his demons to one side & reaches out to Jaehyun. He believes this is his last chance to get his friend back, will he be succeed ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello ! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading this chapter ! we’re now at 10000 words ! i’m so excited & there’s still lots more to come ;) 
> 
> i hope you enjoy <33

Jungwoo is awakened the next morning by the questionable sounds of Mark singing away to himself in the shower. He giggles as he imagines the dance moves that Mark must be doing right now, he’s quite the performer; the pair often have disco’s in their kitchen together. Whenever school is getting too much, they turn their music as loud as it can go, and they sing and dance to their heart’s content. When Mark goes for the high note Jungwoo can’t hold it in anymore and bursts into laughter. The kind of laughter that comes from the chest and causes instant serotonin just by the sound. The running water suddenly stops and Jungwoo prepares to face the wrath of his roommate. 

“Hey Woo laugh at me one more time and I’ll come in and break your arse!” 

“Nice try Markie, but this arse is unbreakble”. 

Jungwoo laughs again until Mark comes charging out the bathroom towards the bed. “Hey keep your wet hair away from my bed you brat.” 

“That’s the thing Hyung, it’s actually MY bed” and he throws himself across Jungwoo who groans at the weight suddenly on top of him. Jungwoo can’t stop laughing and he enjoys the pain it’s causing in his stomach. The only pain present the last few days has been the fear and upset inside of him, and he’d rather the pain of laughing too hard anyday. Jungwoo holds Mark close and despite the water falling off his head, he can’t help but feel grateful for his presence. It’s times like these that living with his best friend is a life saver to Jungwoo.

As Mark goes to get breakfast for the pair, Jungwoo’s mind drifts to the upcoming sleepover that evening. He thinks of last night and the feeling in his stomach when Doyoung showed them all Jaehyun’s instagram post. This wasn’t the pain he just felt whilst laughing, it was the discomfort of feeling his heart slowly break. Jungwoo takes a deep breath. This awkwardness is hurting him, and yes he’s upset by the situation but sometimes in life, it’s better to be the bigger person. That’s why Jungwoo reaches for his phone. It’s been far too uncomfortable for everyone this week, and it’s time for him to fix it. 

Jungwoo : hey jae, you okay? i’m glad to see your date went well 🥳. i was wondering if u wanted to go to johnny hyung’s together later before the sleepover??  
Jaehyun : sure thing, come over @ 1 okay?  
Jungwoo : okay great see you then ✨ any other plans for the day? 

But Jungwoo doesn’t get a response. After the past few days that might not seem like a surprise but it is. Because Jungwoo understood Jaehyun’s text as a sign that things are looking up between them. No, he thinks. It’s okay, if it wasn’t okay then Jaehyun would never have texted him. Jungwoo looks in the mirror as he fixes his hair. “This is good Woo” he tells himself. “It’s all good.” 

After Jungwoo has finished getting ready he heads into the kitchen to sit with Mark. “Oh you’re singing in the kitchen now too? God I thought it was just a bathroom thing.” 

Mark places a hand to his heart. “That hurt me Hyung. It hurt me deep. So deep I’m not going to invite you anymore!” 

Jungwoo pauses “invite me to what?” 

“Channie and I are going to go into town before we head to Johnny Hyung’s later and I was gonna ask you to come. Now I’m not so sure I want you there.” 

Jungwoo grins cheekily at Mark. “No need to worry about that one pal, I have plans already.”

“No you don’t you liar! Go on then tell me then, what plans are keeping you away from me?” 

“Well actually Mark. I’m going to Jae Hyung’s. We’re going to go to Johnny’s together.” 

Mark's jaw drops. “Really?? Jaehyun? As in Jeong Jaehyun? Good looking, studies theatre, looks like a peach, very tall but not on the BFG level like you?” 

Jungwoo reaches across and whacks Mark. “Yes that Jaehyun you idiot. You don’t know any other Jaehyun’s anyway! Why? You sound surprised.” 

Mark decides not to push the subject in fear of upsetting Jungwoo, “no reason. Hope you guys have fun!” 

Jungwoo reaches across and grabs Mark’s pancake, and runs upstairs to pack. At least he’s happy, Mark thinks to himself. Even if he is a hungry food stealing brat.

After chilling at their apartment for the rest of the morning Jungwoo decides to head to Jaehyun’s, and he’s excited to be reunited with his friend. It seems like forever since they hung out just the two of them. Despite his excitement, he can still feel nerves in his stomach. This feels wrong to Jungwoo and he can’t explain why. Doyoung and Taeyong are together and Jungwoo never feels bad hanging out with either. He hugs Doyoung more often then he gets his five a day but he never feels that that’s disrespectful to Taeyong. So why is it now that walking up to Jaehyun’s door seems like a crime? Why does Jungwoo feel like he’s making a mistake ? It’s just his best friend… right? 

As Jungwoo walks down the corridor, he takes one last deep breathe. This is it, so he reaches up and knocks on the door. 

Nothing.

So Jungwoo knocks again, this time slightly louder. As he still doesn’t get a response he leans in towards the door. “JJ Hyung? Are you there? It's Woo?” The door begins to open slowly and Jungwoo’s mouth falls in shock. 

It isn’t Jaehyun who’s standing at the other side of his door… it’s Hana. And she’s standing there wearing only one of Jaehyun’s shirts. 

“Oh.” Jungwoo stares in shock towards the figure at Jaehyun’s door, he’s desperate to look away, but somethings holding him still. Almost like if he dares to look away, the tears will fall, and he can’t have that.

“Oh hi. You must be Jungwoo right?” Jungwoo nods. 

“I knew it was you! Exactly the puppy face Jaehyunie described!” 

“Huh?” 

“Oh sorry I must sound like a right weirdo.” She laughs. Loudly. “Jaehyunie Oppa told me he had a friend who looks like a puppy and I knew straight away that was you!” 

Jungwoo tries to smile. “Yep. That’s me. A puppy. But Jungwoo works fine too. It’s nice to meet you Hana.” 

“Sorry I didn’t know we were expecting visitors. I’ve only just got out of bed.” There’s that loud laugh again. 

“Oh you stayed here last night?” 

“Yeah we were together so late it just made sense… And we were having lots of fun.”

“Who is it Han tell them to… oh”. Jungwoo locks eyes with an embarrassed looking Jaehyun. 

He clears his throat, “Hello Hyung. Sorry I didn’t know you’d be busy, you said we’d go to Johnny’s together... remember?” 

“Oh shit that’s tonight isn’t it?” 

Jungwoo tries to hide how hurt he is. “Yeah…” 

“Ah Woo I completely forgot ! Han and I made plans tonight so I don’t think I can come. I’m sorry Woo. Send the others my love yeah? See you Monday?”

Jungwoo’s face falls. “Erm sure okay no worries. Bye Hyung. Bye Hana”, and Jungwoo runs as fast as he can down the stairs. 

He pauses outside, trying to stop the floodgates from opening, trying to stop the tears from rolling down his face. Despite having every reason to be upset he still feels mad at himself for it. He’s spent years of his life berating himself for being so sensitive, and here is, crying outside an apartment block in the middle of the day. The worst part is that he doesn’t even know exactly why he feels like his World is falling apart. He doesn’t know why it felt like that as soon as he heard Jaehyun had a date. He doesn’t understand, one minute he’s sleeping alongside the person who makes him feel safest in the World, the next minute that same person is looking at him like he’s nothing. “Am I nothing?” Jungwoo thinks. He thought that period of his life was over, but suddenly those feelings are back, and he doesn’t know what to do. 

Jungwoo doesn’t realise that if only he’d stayed outside the door for one more minute, his heart wouldn't be hurting so much right now. For if he’d just waited one minute, then he would have heard the harsh tone of Hana.

“I thought we’d already spoken about this Jae, I thought I made myself clear. How much clearer can I be then by telling you to keep him away. And I mean it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading ! i’m sorry this chapter was shorter then the others :( but i promise the drama is still yet to arrive so please hold on tight ! 
> 
> i hope u enjoyed this chapter <3 
> 
> i’m so sorry for being so harsh on jungwoo but i promise things will get better. eventually 😉
> 
> next chapter will be their sleepover. how will it be without jaehyun there ? and why did hana say she didn’t want jaehyun to see jungwoo? why would jaehyun want to be with someone like that ? 
> 
> thank u sm for reading , please let me know what you think & kudos are really appreciated 🥺
> 
> stay safe <3 
> 
> \- m x


	6. The girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta reaches boiling point when Jungwoo arrives at the sleepover on his own. Jungwoo does all he can to convince The Gang that he’s fine, but when Jaehyun makes an announcement, it’s hard to pretend anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :)
> 
> tysm for 300 hits 🥺 i can’t believe it so thank you so so much for reading. i hope ur enjoying the story so far! 
> 
> 💗💗

Jungwoo tries to clear his head on the walk to Johnny’s apartment, but it’s proving to be a harder task then he was expecting. He knows he’s going to be late but he still doesn’t walk any quicker, being honest he doesn't want to go anymore. The idea of a group sleepover seems like Hell to Jungwoo right now. He just wants to go home, get into bed and watch his favourite films with a tub of ice cream and a packet of tissues. A large packet of tissues that is. But Jungwoo being Jungwoo has decided he should go, it’s Shotaro’s last day with them and he doesn’t want to ruin it for him. 

There’s a small part of Jungwoo that is disappointed by his first meeting with Hana. In his mind, he viewed Hana as being this villain type character, someone easy to hate, and probably with terrible hair. But Jungwoo didn’t just meet a villain, and as much as he hates to admit it, she had lovely hair. Maybe Jungwoo should just be happy for Jaehyun? That’s what best friends are for isn’t it? To be happy for each other, be there in the bad times, but celebrate the good times. So why is this different? 

The reason that this all feels so new to Jungwoo is because his sexuality isn’t something he’s ever really thought about before. He was lucky, he grew up in a family where being true to yourself has always been the most important thing. He’s never felt the need to live by any labels, for the whole concept seems like a restrictive thing to Jungwoo. Isn’t it okay to just love who you love? Whoever they are? Jungwoo has his insecurities, but his sexuality has never been one of them. It’s been close to six years since Doyoung first came out to Jungwoo, and it’s a day which he can never forget. He’ll always remember the way that Doyoung was so upset when he asked to speak to him. Jungwoo panicked and assumed something terrible had taken place as he looked at the fear in Doyoung’s eyes. He was only twelve at the time, but he already understood that love was so much more than gender. When Doyoung admitted he was gay and broke down, Jungwoo hugged him tight and told him it was okay. That it didn’t matter, that Jungwoo was there for him whatever. It was the first time someone had come out to Jungwoo, it meant the World to him that Doyoung trusted him enough to confide in him. Seeing Doyoung in pain hurt Jungwoo and the idea that he was so upset about who he loves was something he couldn’t get his head around. From that day on, Jungwoo promised himself to never spend time being upset about who he loves, and he swore that he would protect his friends from the same thing. Life is hard and Jungwoo understands that, so why make it worse worrying about a beautiful thing like love? 

After Jungwoo clears his head the best he can, he knocks on Johnny’s door. He knows they'll ask where Jaehyun is and he doesn't know how he'll explain. 

“Woo!! We were wondering where you were!” Johnny gives Jungwoo a hug and a wide smile as the others walk into the hall to greet him.

Doyoung looks past Jungwoo out into the corridor. “Hey where’s Jae Woo?” 

Jungwoo sighs and doesn’t say anything in response. Taeyong puts an arm around Jungwoo “Woo- ah? Where is he? I thought you guys were coming together?”

“He’s with Hana.” 

The Gang look confused so Jungwoo continues. “She slept over last night, and he forgot he texted me so I turned up, and there she was.” 

Yuta sighs loudly and Doyoung nudges him gently. 

“He then told me they had plans tonight, so he can’t come. But don’t worry guys, he sends his love.” The Gang don’t miss the slight sarcasm in his voice. Jungwoo looks at them expecting to see anger in their eyes so is surprised when all he is met with is looks of sympathy. 

“Are you okay though Woo?” Yuta looks at Jungwoo with concern in his face. 

“Why would I be?” Yuta looks at Doyoung in surprise. “I mean we had plans he should have just told me he was busy instead of me going all the way there for nothing.” 

Yuta looks confused. “Wait that’s what you're mad at Woo?”

“Well yes what else would I be mad at??” 

The Gang stay silent for a minute until Taeil clears his throat. “Come on guys, let’s put on some films."

The rest of the night passes without any issues, Jungwoo is quiet and the smile he’s attempting to show isn’t fooling anyone. As they settle down, The Gang are surprised to see that Jungwoo has already fallen asleep. He’s lying in the corner on his own and the others can’t help but watch in concern at the slight frown sat on his forehead.

Haechan is the first to mention it. “He’s asleep early. He's usually the one keeping us awake!” 

Yuta sighs. “Yeah well he hasn’t got Jaehyun lying next to him this time has he?” 

“Guys he’s tired. He barely slept last night.” 

Doyoung responds, “how do you know Mark- ah?” 

“I can’t remember what time exactly but I kept hearing him walking around last nigh. After a while I fell asleep. Next thing I knew I woke up and he was lying next to me. And he wasn’t doing great.” 

Doyoung’s face falls. “Wait Mark he hasn’t got into bed with you in months I swear?” 

“You’re right. He only does it when things are bad. You know what Woo’s like, he hates being alone at the best of times. He was shaking, but he didn’t want to talk about it. I just hugged him until he eventually nodded off.” 

There’s silence for a second.

“I’m gonna swing for Jaehyun.” 

Doyoung hits Yuta gently “Hyung…” 

“No I’m sorry but I’m annoyed. Jaehyun has done nothing recently but ignore him and make him feel like crap and they are meant to be best friends! I mean how would you feel if you had fallen out with someone, you think you’re finally going to makeup then he leaves you again! For a girl he’s known for five minutes!”

“But they haven’t fallen out Hyung.”

“Really Mark? I think they have. What else can we call it? I am telling you all now that this is not the end of it. This will continue to get worse and worse. This is Jungwoo we’re talking about remember guys? The kid who hates change, the kid who’s worst fear is being alone nah fuck Jaehyun. If he wants to pick Hana over us then good for him but he's not gonna come running to me when it all goes wrong.” 

No one knows what to say after Yuta’s outburst. It’s like it took all of the air out of the room, and the others are still trying to catch a breath. They sit back down and continue to chat and finish their film, trying to forget the division in the group. If only one had walked to the other side of the room where Jungwoo was lying, they would have seen he wasn’t asleep after all. He was wide awake, with tears rolling down his face, having heard every word they all just said.

The next morning, Jungwoo wakes up in Taeil’s living room to find everyone asleep apart from Doyoung who is sitting on his phone. “Morning Hyung.”

Doyoung smiles, “Zeus! Good morning, did you sleep well kid?” 

“Yes thank you Doie.”

Doyoung calls Jungwoo over to his blanket and Jungwoo smiles and climbs next to his Hyung, finding comfort in his company. The two laugh over videos on youtube together until their laughter wakes up the others. They only realise how loud they’re being when they’re hit by a flying cushion, coming from Yuta’s direction. “Brats.” 

Jungwoo finds himself smiling over The Gang’s breakfast, he’s always loved Taeil’s cooking and this morning is no exception. They decide to take a picture together to celebrate Shotaro’s last day with The Gang. As they observe the selfie afterwards, all checking it for anything that needs blurring or cropping, Shotaro decides to post it to instagram.

“Oh.” 

The Gang look up. 

“What is it Shotaro?” Haechan asks. 

“Erm… Jaehyun Hyung just posted.” 

“Oo let’s see” Jungwoo says.

Before Shotaro can say otherwise, Jungwoo reaches out for his phone and looks at the screen. He’s met by a selfie of Jaehyun and Hana and his eyes are immediately drawn to the massive grin on Jaehyun’s face. Jungwoo can’t deny it’s a beautiful picture, there’s not anything more beautiful to Jungwoo then Jaehyun’s smile. It takes Jungwoo a second to look at the caption. When he does his face falls.

“‘me & my new girlfriend x"

Jungwoo left Johnny’s early on Sunday morning, not long after Jaehyun’s instagram post. He didn’t speak to The Gang after that for the rest of the day. They all reached out to him and the group chat was going off constantly but Jungwoo never responded. The one person who’s name Jungwoo was desperate to see on his phone screen never appeared. Jungwoo kept hearing Mark wandering outside of his door and he knocked multiple times, but Jungwoo never answered, despite him calling multiple times. Eventually that night Jungwoo’s phone lit up. 

Mark : hey woo, i’ve noticed you haven’t eaten. i’ve made some dinner, come eat with me ?  
Jungwoo : i’m not hungry. thank you markie  
Mark : well come downstairs anyway? we can watch a film, your pick?  
Jungwoo : mark can you just come here ?  
Mark : ofc, i’m on my way x

Mark slowly pulls the handle to Jungwoo door and he’s not sure what to expect on the other side. The sight he’s met with hurts his heart. For his happy and joyful Hyung is lying in the middle of the bed just staring at the wall, no expression showing on his face. 

“Hyung…” 

Jungwoo looks up and holds out his arms. Mark takes no time in climbing into the bed and wrapping his arms around Jungwoo. He decides not to say anything, for he doesn’t know what the right thing to say is. He doesn’t know exactly how Jungwoo is feeling. Is he sad about Jaehyun? Is he sad about something else? Is his anxiety returning? All Mark knows in that moment is that if he has to hug Jungwoo like this forever to make him feel better, then he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Monday rolls around a lot quicker than Jungwoo would have liked. In an ideal World, it never would have arrived but here it is, and Jungwoo feels like crap. The Gang sit in the canteen before lessons start and Jungwoo is yet to say a word to anyone. Jaehyun isn’t there and the gap at the table is clear for them all to see. Haechan sits next to Jungwoo, and is doing all he can to make him laugh, but nothing seems to be working. 

The concern is clearly written on Doyoung’s face as Jaehyun walks past, hand in hand with Hana. He notices them and walks over in their direction. “Hey Gang! This is Hana. Hana these are my friends.” 

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you all, and Jungwoo the puppy it’s great to see you again!” She smiles, but the smile seems far too bright to be genuine. 

The Gang return her greeting. Doyoung smiles at Jaehyun “Jae why don’t you guys sit down, I’ll get us some coffee?” 

Jaehyun goes to respond but his hand is tugged by Hana. “Actually, Jae and I have to go don’t we baby?”

Jaehyun looks confused, “wait now ? Can’t we just stay-” 

“No we can’t. I mean, not right now. But guys it was lovely to meet you hopefully see you again soon”. Hana smiles brightly, but it takes Jaehyun a second to match her expression. And with that Hana leads Jaehyun away from The Gang before Jaehyun can say another word. 

“Bitch”.

Doyoung glares at Yuta. “Not the time Hyung.”

As the week continues The Gang sees very little of Jaehyun. He still texts Doyoung briefly and he says hello to them when he’s on his own. But they can’t help but notice that if Hana’s present, he keeps his distance. Jungwoo drifts further and further away from being the boy they know and love. Mark hears him walking around during the night and the bags under his eyes are clear for them all to see. He’s not eating either, despite how much the boys push. He doesn’t go for coffee with Johnny anymore and he won’t go for walks with Doyoung. Taeil and Haechan are missing their Kart rider teammate and Yuta has realised that practising football on his own isn’t any fun. Jungwoo doesn’t even go to dance anymore, it’s like the lights inside of him have been firmly turned off. 

The Gang still believe that the situation can be fixed. Yuta and Doyoung have appointed themselves leaders of the reconciliation brigade, and are trying to find a solution. Their plan is to get Jaehyun and Jungwoo together so they can talk, but that is seeming more and more unlikely. That’s why when Jungwoo doesn’t appear at school on Thursday, Yuta sends a text. 

Yuta: i’ve had it now guys. we need to fix this, and we need to fix this now. so here’s what we’re gonna do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so jaehyun and hana are official ? seems like a bad idea to me.
> 
> i hope u enjoyed this chapter 🥺 next time jungwoo will reach breaking point :( but let’s hope jaehyun will be there to mend his best friend. 
> 
> stay safe <33  
> -m x


	7. The tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything becomes too much, Jungwoo breaks.
> 
> Who will be there to pick up the pieces?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :) 
> 
> firstly thank you so much for 400 hits 🥺 i’m not if people are still reading but if you are thank you so much. i really hope you’re enjoying. 
> 
> ⚠️ please note, this chapter includes a panic attack & discussions of anxiety. if that is a sensitive subject to you, please take care of yourself & do not read. if you’d like to know what happens without reading, please comment and i can film you in. please please look after yourselves 💗
> 
> i hope u enjoy this chapter ✨ things will look up soon !

Mark : guys jungwoo still isn’t sleeping and he’s now not eating either. he’s more unhappy then i’ve seen him in a long time & idk what to do. i’m trying to help him and get him to open up but it’s not working??  
Doyoung : i know. things really aren’t good. and also despite what jaehyun’s instagram says, i know he’s not happy either. he looks like a completely different person  
Taeyong : 🙁 i’m so worried you guys  
Yuta : me too. this has to stop. we can’t let jungwoo fall again guys i won’t let that happen  
Haechan : but hyung what can we do ?? the one person who can help jungwoo is struggling too  
Mark : i’m so worried. like so so worried  
Johnny : guys we can fix this okay? let’s not panic just yet. we just need them to know that we’re here for them  
Taeil : johnny’s right. do, jae seems to be trusting you the most so you need to watch him. and keep an eye on hana! is that okay with u?  
Doyoung : of course hyung  
Taeil : mark, u need to keep jungwoo safe at home as much as u can & let us know how he is. yuta, u have a similar timetable to him so keep an eye on him in lessons. and the rest of us will keep trying to reach out to both. sound like a plan ? ideally we need to get them together but until then, let’s just keep being there for them  
Johnny : 👍🏻  
Mark : course  
Taeyong : yes  
Haechan : good plan  
Yuta : let’s keep in contact guys. 

Eventually, after what seems like the World’s longest week, the weekend appears and The Gang are relieved to say the least. Doyoung has asked Jaehyun to meet him, but he had plans with Hana so he had to decline. As much as Doyoung was expecting that, he was still disappointed as Jaehyun is still making the effort to talk to Doyoung when Hana isn’t around. Haechan thought Jungwoo would enjoy a trip to the local theme park, but when he asked, Jungwoo said no. The Gang didn’t want to do something without Jungwoo though, so Mark invited The Gang round, hoping Jungwoo would feel comfortable with them in his own home. 

When The Gang knocks on their door, only Mark answers, for Jungwoo hasn’t left his room all day. The concern immediately shows on their faces. “Where’s Woo?” “He’s in his room Channie, I’ll go knock.” Mark smiles briefly at Haechan and walks up the stairs. He stands outside of Jungwoo’s room and knocks gently. “Hey Woo? The Gang are here. Come eat with us?” Nothing. “Please Hyung?” Jungwoo slowly opens the door and smiles at Mark. He looks awful, Mark thinks, but he’s far too kind to ever say that. Jungwoo walks down the stairs with Mark, excited to see everyone. As he walks into the living room his heart drops. Not all of The Gang are present. The one person who Jungwok is desperate to see is nowhere to be found. 

“Hey Woo!” Taeyong pulls Jungwoo in for a hug, “come sit with us!” Taeyong pulls Jungwoo onto the couch and he smiles as both Taeyong and Doyoung put their arms around his shoulders. Jungwoo relaxes, feeling safe with his two hyungs at his side. “How are you Woo?” Johnny smiles. “I’m okay thank you Hyung.” “Here, have some sweets!” Johnny holds out the bowl for Jungwoo but Jungwoo declines “No I’m okay thank you Hyung.”

Despite the smile on his face, it’s still clear that Jungwoo is struggling. Doyoung notices the way that Jungwoo’s knee is constantly tapping the floor, and he can see that the others have too. They can see the way his eyes don’t focus and the way that his hands shake. Mark gulps as he notices Jungwoo pulling his sleeve down, trying to hide his shaking demeanour. How can he mention it without upsetting him? But then if he doesn’t address it how can he try to help? Doyoung reaches out his hand and squeezes Jungwoo’s knee gently and Taeyong starts rubbing the back of his neck. Jungwoo manages to calm down and leans his head on Taeyong’s shoulders. Eventually, he ends up falling asleep, having not had much sleep the last few nights. Taeyong lifts his arm and rubs Jungwoo’s hair. “There there Woo, sleep well.” 

Little did The Gang know that things would only go downhill after that weekend. There’s only so long someone can hold it together when they’re secretly falling apart and time is running out. What they are yet to realise however is just how much has already taken place. The damage they’re scared of occuring, may have already happened. The Gang never realised how long a week could feel, but they’re slowly learning it over the next seven days. They thought last week was the worst it could get, but they were wrong. 

They don’t see much of Jaehyun, and any time they get the chance to briefly chat with him, he’s lead away by Hana. Doyoung can see that Jaehyun’s smile isn’t as bright as it was when they first starting dating but Jaehyun doesn’t give him the chance to mention it. Jaehyun is barely looking them in the eye, and he and Jungwoo seem to have found a way to make sure they’re never in the same room together. 

Jungwoo has turned into someone they no longer know. Mark hears him pacing all night and has begun just pulling him into his bed so he can keep an eye on him and hug him to sleep. He’s not eating, he’s not replying to messages and when he sits with them, he sits in complete silence. He barely attends his classes anymore and he no longer goes to his dance or football practice. Saying The Gang are worried is an understatement. The Gang are hoping that they can help Jungwoo through by waiting to listen, not pressuring him to talk. It’s only on Friday that they realise they’re using the complete wrong approach...

“Bollocks” Yuta thinks to himself as he rushes through the corridor in the afternoon. He went to the library at lunch to get some work done but he completely lost track of time, hence how late he is for his next lesson. As he rushes down the corridor he hears a door slam ahead. He looks up and sees down the other end of the hall a tall figure sprinting out of a class room. They look upset and Yuta tries to get a closer look. “Hi, are you…”

“Shit.” It’s Jungwoo. 

“Jungwoo!!” Yuta shouts, racing after him. “Jungwoo - ah! Woo! Woo wait up what’s wrong!!?” He can hear Jungwoo panting and he’s never seen him run like it. “Woo what is it!!?” The figure charges through the door and runs around the corner outside. Yuta races round trying to reach him but he almost regrets it when he then sees what’s in front of him. 

Jungwoo is standing back against the wall, barely breathing as tears fall down his face. His whole body is shaking and Yuta can clearly hear him gasping for breath. “I… I… I can’t … breathe” Jungwoo chokes out as he turns to look at Yuta with fear in his eyes. Yuta wastes no time in grabbing him by the shoulders. “Hey hey Woo it’s okay look at me. Look at me bub” he says gently. Jungwoo’s eyes flash up towards Yuta “breathe with me Woo. Like this you ready? In for three and out for three yeah? We’ve done this before. One , two, three in, there we go and out again, one, two, three.” Yuta grabs Jungwoo’s hands and Jungwoo follows Yuta’s instructions. As Jungwoo continues to struggle to breathe Yuta rubs his thumbs on Jungwoo’s hands. “Come on Woo that’s it, in for three and out for three keep going.” Eventually, Jungwoo’s breath begins to return to normal and Yuta smiles “well done Woo you did so well.” Jungwoo doesn’t smile in return however. His face suddenly creases in tears and his knees give way. Before he can completely fall Yuta catches him and holds the shaking boy as tight as he can. Jungwoo continues to cry into his shoulder. “It hurts Hyung. It hurts so much.” “I know Woo I know.” Yuta holds his head and cuddles him tight “there there Woo, it’s okay.” Jungwoo continues to cry and Yuta continues to hold him tight, and he will do so for as long as he needs. Yuta himself is close to tears at seeing his friend in this state. It’s been a while since he’s seen Jungwoo like that and if he never sees it again it’ll be too soon. 

Jungwoo’s first panic attack happened when he was only twelve years old. He remembers it so well even to this day. At the time he didn’t know what was happening. He thought that he was dying, that his heart was about to stop. Jungwoo was always anxious growing up, yes he was happy and extroverted, but inside, there was a scared young boy. 

Jungwoo never had to explicitly tell The Gang about his anxiety, they could figure it out for themselves. Doyoung used to sit for hours researching ways to support him and The Gang held Jungwoo close from that day on. Certain times were always worse than others; before exams, seeing his family, mostly at any sign of change. For the most part, Jungwoo always had it under control. Years of professional help left him with coping mechanisms and methods which allowed him to regain control, or at least for the most part. It was just over a year ago when Jungwoo broke down. The Gang still remembers that period of time like it was only yesterday, and they can’t deny that when they look at Jungwoo, they can see that broken in front of their eyes. Jungwoo’s anxiety had reached a new level, he was struggling to leave the house without having a panic attack. The Gang tried to help the best they could, but none of them knew what to do. Eventually, it was Jaehyun who helped Jungwoo the most. Mark was struggling with the situation so he moved in with Johnny for a while whilst Jaehyun stayed with Jungwoo. He would hold Jungwoo whilst he cried, encouraged him to eat and would sleep with him every night. Holding him close until he felt safe enough to close his eyes. When things became unsafe for Jungwoo, it was Jaehyun who called for help. Even though he was mad at the time, Jungwoo can see now that Jaehyun’s saved him. Jaehyun never forced Jungwoo to talk but he allowed Jungwoo to feel safe with him, taught him that it’s okay to be vulnerable. As Jungwoo began to get better, Jaehyun was his biggest encourager. Always on the end of the phone regardless of the time of day, always there with a hand to hold or a smile to give. There’s no question that Jungwoo would not have gotten through that dark time without Jaehyun. Jaehyun put Jungwoo above everything, prioritising his friend. Jaehyun isn't perfect, he’d be the first to admit that, but he was as close as you could get for Jungwoo. Jungwoo knew from then on that whatever life throws at him, he’ll be okay,

As long as he has Jaehyun. They’ll both be okay...

As long as they have each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so much for reading ! 
> 
> i’m sorry it was so sad :( i promise things will look up soon & jungwoo will be okay. anxiety is a horrible thing, but it doesn’t have to take over your life. things can get better. it might not seem like it, but they can. 
> 
> will jaehyun find out about jungwoo ? will the gang find out what’s really going on with hana? who knows ;) 
> 
> see u next time <33 
> 
> \- m x


	8. The Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jungwoo's breakdown, he makes a big decision.
> 
> Can Yuta, Mark & Doyoung get him to change his mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !
> 
> i'm sorry it took me longer to update this time :( i had a big uni assignment and i had no clue what i was doing (story of my life rip) 
> 
> anyway, not much happens in this one aha but its important all the same, jungwoo still has a lot of demons to face. but he's getting there . and you can never have too much yuwoo ;)
> 
> i hope u enjoy & i'd love to know what u think :) 
> 
> x

Yuta: guys we have a problem  
Doyoung : ?? what  
Haechan : what  
Taeil : ??  
Mark : Is it Jungwoo?  
Yuta: he had a fucking panic attack. a big one. i was running to class and i caught him running out of his lesson and i could hear him struggling to breathe  
Taeyong : oh shit  
Yuta : i caught up with him outside but by then he was fully hyperventilating. i’ve never seen him with so much fear in his eyes it was awful. eventually he calmed down but then he wouldn’t stop crying. i didn’t know what to do, i just held him and i kept saying it’s okay but i think he could tell i was lying. he just kept crying & crying  
Taeil : at least you were with him yuta okay?  
Taeyong : hyung’s right yuta you did amazing. where’s woo now?  
Yuta : he’s here with me, mark we’re at yours. he’s fast asleep on the couch  
Mark : i’m coming  
Yuta : mark u have classes  
Mark : as if i give a shit hyung. woo comes first  
Doyoung : mark meet me outside, i’ll drive us 

Yuta bites his lip as he puts down his phone, ignoring the way the group chat continues to panic. He doesn’t need to be told that he did well helping Jungwoo and that he did the right thing. How can he feel he did anything right when his friend is lying right next to him with dried tears resting right under his eyes, lines creased into his forehead. His foot taps against the floor repetitively, trying to calm the way his heart pounds. Yuta might not be the most affectionate, but he adores his friends and Jungwoo is no exception. Being one of the eldest of The Gang, he’s always felt responsible for the “babies”. Their families don’t live close to their school, meaning they don’t have their parents around. Yuta sees himself as a surrogate guardian for The Gang and he’d do anything for them. Deep down he’s always had a soft spot for Jungwoo, but that soft spot can turn into feury when it needs to, and now feels like one of those times.

“Hyung?” 

Yuta immediately turns his head to the left, relieved to hear the high pitched sound of Jungwoo’s voice. “Jungwoo! Hi! How are you feeling?” 

Jungwoo yawns. “Tired.” 

Yuta moves closer, trying to hide the fear written across his face. “Can you remember what happened?” 

Jungwoo holds his head in his hands and sighs, “I’m not likely to forget Hyung. I haven't lost it that much. Or at least not just yet.”

“No we’re not going to do that Woo. We’re not turning this into a joke when it really isn’t funny.” Yuta gently reaches out and pulls Jungwoo’s hands away from his head. 

“Come here you.” He holds out his arms and Jungwoo wastes no time in crawling against Yuta’s lap, holding him close, feeling his worries disappear in the arms of his Hyung. 

“I know it’s hard… but I think we should talk. I mean only if you’re up for it of course..'' 

Yuta begins to stroke Jungwoo’s back and he nods. “It’s okay Hyung, say what you want to say.” 

Yuta takes a deep breath. “I know Woo. I know things are happening again, we all do.” Yuta holds Jungwoo’s hand. “We thought we could ignore it and it would be okay but today’s proven it isn’t. Woo you haven’t panicked like that in a long time- ” 

Woo suddenly cuts him off. “Hyung I haven’t been completely honest with you…” 

“Woo? What do you mean?” 

Silence. “Woo??” Concern is clear in Yuta’s voice.

“Earlier wasn’t my first panic attack in a while. I’ve been having them for weeks.I’m struggling Hyung. You know, just in case the psycho melt down didn't give it away.” Jungwoo lets out a sarcastic laugh, but Yuta doesn’t laugh in response. Instead he looks horrified.

“Don’t say that Woo! Don’t talk about yourself like that because I will not sit here and listen to it. You’re not well okay Jungwoo? But you will be… this can be fixed, I promise.I will not let you break Jungwoo. I didn’t help you last time and I will be damned before I let that happen again. But I need you to be honest with yourself here…” 

“To myself? I am! I literally just told you I was struggling how is that not being honest??”

“No Woo I know, that’s not what I meant.” Jungwoo looks at Yuta expectantly, 

“I meant you need to be honest about Jaehyun.”

Jungwoo tries to hide the blush rising on his cheeks, the way his heart sped up at that name.“Jaehyun?? What’s Jaehyun got to do with anything?”

“Woo it’s okay. I know… I know you like him. I’ve known for a long time.” 

Jungwoo sits in silence for a minute, planning his response, unsure of how honest he can be. It’s like the World has suddenly paused, all these thoughts and feelings he’s been trying to decipher for so long have suddenly all become clear. Jungwoo has never been able to find the words to narrate his love for Jaehyun, always scared to articulate his thoughts. But Jungwoo knows he needs to start being honest, at least with himself. As usual, Yuta’s right, for how can he feel pain at Jaehyun’s dishonesty when he won’t open up himself? 

Yuta reaches over and holds his hand tight. “It’s okay Woo, speak to me.” 

“I… I think I like Jaehyun.” He pauses, “no, I know I like Jaehyun. I like him a lot. I think I have for a while.” Despite everything, he manages a smile as he says “there’s no easy way to say this... but I’m in love with my best friend.” 

Nerves flood Jungwoo’s mind as he waits for Yuta’s response. He’s scared Yuta will lash out, scared he’ll make fun of his feelings. He takes a deep breath.

“I thought I was your best friend.” 

Jungwoo can't hide the confusion across his face. “Huh?” 

“I thought I was your best friend. I mean I’d take second place. I know Mark has an unfair advantage living with you and all that, but you’ve got me in third place? Behind Jaehyun? What the fuck.”

“Hyung!” 

“What?” 

“That’s all you have to say? That’s it? You’re not annoyed or mad?” Jungwoo stares at Yuta in shock. 

“Jesus Christ Woo what kind of monster do you think I am? Why would I be annoyed?” 

“I- I don’t know I was scared it would ruin everything.” He coughs suddenly. “I mean I’ve never even told you that I like guys..”

Yuta bursts into laughter, “Bloody Hell Woo I know! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t? Stop saying sorry, stop feeling bad, stop fucking worrying about this.” 

Yuta puts an arm around Jungwoo. “There’s a lot going on with you at the moment Zeus you know that. But who you love, that’s never, ever, ever gonna be a problem.”

Jungwoo sighs in relief and grabs Yuta for a hug. “I love you Hyung. And you know you’re my best friend too.” 

“As I should be.” Yuta rubs Jungwoo’s back and he’s about to laugh. But before he can, he feels tears land on his neck. He decides not to mention it, he’s just pleased that Jungwoo feels as though he can be vulnerable in front of him. 

Despite the tears falling down his face Jungwoo can’t help but smile. Despite it being the worst day he’s had in a long time, he’s grateful to have had the chance to open up to his Hyung. Maybe he isn’t as alone as he thought.

Jungwoo and Yuta both suddenly jump at the sound of the front door slamming. It only takes a few seconds for Mark to come charging round the corner, desperate to see Jungwoo.

“Woo! Jungwoo Hyung?” 

As Jungwoo looks up and smiles at Mark, his face crumples in relief. “Oh thank God.” Mark runs over to the couch and throws himself on Jungwoo, holding him tight causing Jungwoo to laugh. 

Doyoung sits at Jungwoo’s other side, “Mark- ah! Be careful! Hello Woo, Yuta Hyung, nice to see you both. How you feeling Zeus?” 

Jungwoo can’t help but laugh at Doyoung’s (failed) attempt at being subtle. “I’m okay. Or at least I am now you’re all here.” 

Doyoung rubs his hair affectionately. “I’m so happy to hear it Woo. You had us all worried for a second there.” 

Jungwoo hangs his head guiltily, “I’m sorry”. 

“Oi now don’t say sorry. We’re all just glad you’re okay. The others send their love too, they’ll be over when their lessons end if that’s okay?” 

“No tell them not too, you guys shouldn’t be here as it is.” 

Mark grabs Jungwoo by the shoulders, “ Hey Hyung how many times do I need to say this? You are not on your own. Ever.”

Jungwoo’s head falls down in embarrassment, his foot tapping the floor.

“Hey look at me Woo. We’re here. I’m here, always I promise.”

Jungwoo pauses. “You can’t promise that.”

Mark looks up, hurt clearly in his eyes at his Hyung’s rejection. Yuta goes to talk but Jungwoo waves at him to stop. He gently lifts Mark off him and stands up, in front of his three friends. His hands begin to shake so he pulls them into his pocket. He takes a deep breath, comforted by the encouraging smile coming from Doyoung’s direction.

“Guys I need you to just listen for a minute. Please don't argue with me, just let me talk. There’s things I need to say…” 

The others glance at each other nervously and Yuta reaches out for Jungwoo’s hand. “Go on, you’ve got this.” Yuta winks and Jungwoo smiles. It’s okay, he thinks. There’s nothing he can say that would make the others turn on him.

“Ah this was easier in my head… Erm, basically I’m struggling. Yeah I’m really struggling. I have been for a while now. I guess I was embarrassed to tell you guys, but it’s not like I can really deny it after today.” 

He nervously laughs, but stops when he notices that no one laughs with him. 

“The truth is the last few weeks I’ve felt crap, like proper crap. The deep kind of crap that hurts, the kind you can feel against your chest. I feel like nothing I do is enough you know? Like I’m not good enough for anyone anymore. Or maybe I’ve never been enough...” 

His voice breaks so he pauses, taking a minute to calm himself. Mark looks distraught. Yuta slowly rubs his thumb along the back of Jungwoo’s hand. “Fighting Woo.” Jungwoo takes a deep breath. 

“I’m not an idiot. I know that anxiety never goes away. I know that I’ll have it forever, that I’ll be ninety and suddenly panic when I have to meet the carehome’s new resident. Or maybe I’ll be going for a promotion when I’m forty, but I’ll panic before the interview. It’s never gonna go away, I know that. But I’ve been managing it, it’s been under control. Or at least until now. I’ve been having panic attacks again, today wasn’t the first. Being honest it wasn’t even the biggest. And I’m scared, fuck I’m really scared. I’m scared I’m falling, and that when I eventually hit the ground, it’ll be too much for me.Then what will I do? Because I can’t go through this again okay I just can’t.” 

As Jungwoo’s knees begin to shake, Doyoung walks forward and grabs his hands. “Hey hey hey, come here Woo.” Doyoung sits Jungwoo on the couch in between him and Mark.

Jungwoo continues, “so I’ve decided I’m going to stay at my family’s place for a while.” 

Mark jumps to his feet in shock. “You’re what? Wait hang on you can’t! What about school?” Mark can’t hide the confusion on his face and Yuta has to give him a slight glare, trying to get him to calm down.

“I’ve already sorted it. I spoke to the school counsellor and she’s organized all the lessons to be sent to me, so I can work on my own. She’s gotten in contact with my old therapist. I spoke to my family too, they understand. My room is already for me now. I need a break... I really need one.”

Mark’s voice begins to waver. “But…what about me Hyung? I don’t want to be here without you.” 

Jungwoo’s eyes fill with tears at Mark’s question. He looks at Yuta and Doyoung for help. Yuta notices straight away. 

“Hey Mark-ah, you can stay with me for a while yeah? I know it’s hard, but I think Jungwoo’s doing the right thing.” He nudges Jungwoo affectionately. “You wouldn’t want a grumpy roommate anyway.” 

That makes them all laugh, even Jungwoo. And they laugh for ages, until it hurts in their stomachs. Laughing is easier than crying, the pain of laughter is the best feeling Jungwoo’s had in his stomach in a long time. Then when the tears eventually start to fall, no one minds. The laughter has given them all an excuse to pretend that the tears aren’t falling out of sadness, and they’re happy to pretend for as long as they can. .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! 
> 
> i hope u enjoyed ! the next chapters will be from jaehyun's pov. it will explain a lot, about hanna, and jaehyun's past. 
> 
> and also remember jaehyun doesn't know about how jungwoo is yet so how do u think he'll react?
> 
> i hope you're excited for that <33
> 
> thank you SO much for 500 hits and if ur still reading then thank you, it really means a lot. i'd love if you could leave a comment, let me know what you're thinking? thank u so much <3
> 
> stay safe -m x
> 
> (if anyone wants to talk on twitter my @ is jungszeus x )


	9. The Ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Jaehyun finds himself isolated from those he loves, how will he react to the news of Jungwoo's breakdown ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :)
> 
> thank u so SO much for 600 hits! i can't believe it and i'm so happy, thank u so much. 
> 
> as promised, this chapter is the first of a few from jaehyun's POV. i hope u enjoy learning about his back story. 
> 
> enjoy <33

As the blue sky of the weekend drifts away, the cold air arrives like an unwanted present on an icy Christmas morning. Jaehyun sits crossed legged on his bed, holding himself close. He holds his head in his hands, trying to stop the way his mind races, reliving the events of the day over and over. He can feel time passing, but he’s lost the motivation to care, all motivation to even move. As he looks around his room, he can no longer see the colour of his walls, the colour of his clothes, all has disappeared. All he can see is grey, like the colour of the sea on a cloudy day. Grey, grey, grey, matching the nothingness he aspires to feel. Loneliness hurts, like any form of physical pain, and Jaehyun is realising that for the first time as he sits in agony, desperate for someone to reach out to.

He can hear the way his phone rings, the way that as the call ends it immediately starts again, despite how much he wishes it would be silenced. The constant ringing is like a pounding to his brain, the sound carving itself into his mind. He wills the noise to stop, desperate to be able to sit in silence, the optimum surroundings for being able to think.

Jaehyun jumps up at the sound of the front door slamming, he can hear footsteps coming closer and closer and he braces himself. The silence he wanted so bad, had never seemed further away. “Just stay calm”, Jaehyun thinks to himself. All will be okay, won’t it?

“What the fuck was that?” Hana walks into the bedroom, raising her voice as she glares at Jaehyun, eyes so piercing he’s convinced he can feel it in his soul.

“What the fuck was what Han?” Jaehyun is genuinely confused at her outburst. He’d tried hard all day to make it successful for her, desperate to make her happy.

“I invite you to come out with my friends and I and you sit there in silence, completely ruining the mood for everyone! Everyone was staring, you know. Probably thinking what is Hana doing with someone so miserable. Someone who is clearly sucking the life out of her. Someone who's about as exciting as watching paint dry.”

That hurt Jaehyun, clearly his efforts have gone to waste. “No I wasn’t! You just sprung it on me Han, I’d never met them before I didn’t know how to act. They seemed to have a problem with me as soon as I walked in, I was actually curious what you’d been saying about me-”

“Oh that’s about right, that’s typical you Jae, ruin everything but blame me how lovely of you. You’re meant to be my boyfriend and you treat me like this.”

“Han I wasn’t blaming you-”

“Oh so you’re not going to apologise?”

“Apologise ? But what for Han I don’t understand?”

Hana scoffs and walks closer to Jaehyun. “Apologise. You need to apologise right now or I swear to God Jaehyun, I will walk out that door and I will never come back to you. Do you get that? Can your brain process that or is it a bit much for you? Fancy being all alone again? Because you’re heading that way!”

Jaehyun can feel the way his heart is beginning to hurt. “Han please don’t. I really tried today I promise.”

“Me don’t? How about you don’t? How can you continue to treat me like this?”

“Treat you like what?” Jaehyun’s voice begins to waver. “I love you Han…”

Hanna laughs cruelly... “

 **You don’t know what love is**.”

With that Hana walks out of the bedroom, slamming the door as she goes. Only seconds later Jaehyun hears her on the phone, probably slagging him off to her friends, making even more of the World hate him. It wasn’t long ago that Jaehyun would have raced after her, desperate to make amends, to sort things out. He’s learnt now that there’s no point, she’d just push him away and there's only so much rejection one person can take.

Jaehyun sighs and lies back on the bed. When did this happen? This new relationship that was meant to be fun and enjoyable has turned into pain. Something he had really hoped would make him happy had just caused him misery.

Jaehyun tries not to think about it, but he knows Hana will now be with someone else. That’s why they started to argue, because he dared question why she was always with another boy. He knew having dinner with her friends was a bad idea as soon as she mentioned it. Her friends don’t like him, despite never even making the effort to get to know him. That hurts Jaehyun, for he would never make assumptions about anyone before getting to know them and he would expect Hana to stand up for him. It’s no secret that Jaehyun struggles with new people, and this was no exception. Despite everything, Jaehyun managed to put his apprehension to one side, trying to do his best to make Hana happy. But all that happened was she’s now even madder than before.

The sad truth is, Jaehyun doesn’t actually know what a healthy relationship looks like, probably because he’s never been given the chance to see one. He grew up without a strong relationship with either of his parents, no one ever took the time to tell him how he should be treated. There was no one to tell him how to protect himself, to tell him what he’s worth. Jaehyun almost finds it amusing, those awkward conversations with parents were the same ones his friends were dreading, but they were also the ones he desperately needed.

The idea of a relationship has always seemed overwhelming to him, for how can you ever trust someone enough to let them become part of your life? How can you suddenly lose your boundaries and begin to share yourself with others? No one took the time to tell Jaehyun that it’s actually healthy to respect his boundaries. That he’s not a bad person if he takes the time to look out for himself.

Jaehyun’s only ever had one past relationship, and it damaged him, probably for life. He’d only just turned sixteen, and he’d met a girl at a mutual friend’s party. She didn’t go to their school, none of The Gang had ever met her before and like Hana, she seemed harmless enough. It didn’t take long for Jaehyun to fall in love, something he never thought possible.

Some people may not think true love is possible at that age, but from the way his heart broke when it ended, Jaehyun is positive it was love. The relationship was toxic, but Jaehyun only realized when it was too late, the damage had already been done. Only two months in, she cheated on Jaehyun with their mutual friend, and it broke Jaehyun’s heart. It seemed like the whole school found out that he was the laughing stock of all the students. Jaehyun had never felt heart ache like it and he couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t enough for her. He gave her his heart and she tore it to shreds.

Jaehyun had never been so grateful to have his friends around him as he was at that time. The Gang felt so guilty that they hadn’t protected him and made sure to be there for all of the healing process. The Gang trusted Jaehyun’s judgement and were just as shocked as he was when it fell apart. Doyoung and Johnny had named themselves Jaehyun’s personal bodyguards, ensuring no one dared say anything cruel to him. He stayed at Mark and Jungwoo’s place, both understanding exactly what he needed. Jaehyun doesn’t get sad in the typical sense, he releases emotions in anger and both were ready and prepared to take whatever he threw at them. They took everything, believing all was okay, as long as he always knew they were there. It’s hardly like Jaehyun could talk with his parents about what he was going through, he’d rather be all on his own.

Unfortunately, Jaehyun himself would be the first to admit that his past experience had changed him. He developed a harsher exterior, hiding the softness on the inside, seeking to prove himself as bulletproof. He also worked on other people’s perception of him, changing his look, training to become Captain of the basketball team. Not long later he had become one of the most popular students in the whole high school, his status was high and he was ready to show the World his new self.

Ever since he was a child, Jaehyun struggled to open up others, finding it hard to let people in. He spent his childhood desperate for his parents to return his love and he eventually had to learn that some people just don’t have that love in them. Jaehyun despised the way he’d let his heart be broken and he swore he would never date again. He swore that he would never give anyone the chance to hurt him again, yet here he was, lying alone, fighting tears over another girl.

He and Hana had started well, she seemed loving and sweet and empathetic, all the qualities Jaehyun needed in a person. It was a quick decision, one chosen based on a quick comment from Shotaro, but Jaehyun really did feel as though it was the right one. Behind Hana’s mask, laid someone manipulative and hurtful. She talks to Jaehyun like something on the bottom of her shoe, like he’s a piece of dirt. Jaehyun’s so infatuated with her that he can’t notice something’s up, he’s yet to see that he deserves so much better, he doesn’t ask for more because he doesn’t know he deserves more. He’s embarrassed to talk about it, he doesn’t have The Gang anymore so if he loses Hana, then he’s all on his own. He’s meant to be the strong one, it’s meant to be Jaehyun looking after everyone else, how can he expect the others to protect him? People need Jaehyun, but he doesn’t need people. Or at least that’s what he tells himself.

Monday morning arises quicker than Jaehyun would hope. As the sun shines through the window Jaehyun wakes up on his own, no one lying next to him. The feeling of loneliness is still present. His head hurts and he turns on his side to be met with the sight of empty bottles. “Fuck”, Jaehyun thinks, he hates drinking. It’s something he only does when he’s struggling. Drinking brings out parts of him he despises, drinking is a slippery slope for him. Has he already begun to fall down that slope?

He rubs his head and sighs, reaching for his phone. Muscle memory kicks in and he opens up his texts to Jungwoo, seeing the texts he’d ignored. He laughs, as if Jungwoo would speak to him. Doyoung won’t want to hear it, they’re talking less than other. He’s pretty sure The Gang are all proudly waving the Jungwoo flag from the looks he’s been receiving and he can’t blame them. Seeing no other option, he decides to text Hana.

Jaehyun : morning han. i’m sorry for yesterday. i just wanted to check you’re okay? x  
Hana: hey babe, see apologising wasn’t that hard was it ? i’m good, just at kai’s xx  
Jaehyun : kai? you’re with him a lot these days x  
Hana : yes, kai. K, A, I, kai! is that okay with you or do you have another issue?  
Jaehyun : no sorry of course that’s fine i just miss you that’s all x  
Hana : aw you’re so cuteeee, listen i have to go but see you at lunch xx

Jaehyun sighs. Is it toxic to not want your girlfriend to stay round at another guy’s house after you’ve just argued? Especially when she seems to spend all her time with him? When she looks at this other guy with so much more respect in her eyes then she does him? Jaehyun’s not stupid, he knows soemthing’s happening. Maybe he deserves it? Maybe this is karma for everything? Despite it all he’s still so scared to lose Hana. He’s lost his family, his friends and if he loses Hana, he doesn’t know how he’ll cope.

As the first lesson of the day eventually ends, Jaehyun walks through the corridor, speaking with two of his classmates. He managed to drag himself out of bed, fix his appearance and managed to paint a smile on his face, he wonders if anyone is falling for it. When he sees Doyoung and Taeyong standing hand in hand, chatting with Yuta and Johnny ahead, he leaves his mates to try to say hello. As he gets closer he begins to hear their conversation.

“Have any of you heard from Woo?” Johnny looks at his friends expectantly.

Doyoung answers with a frown on his face. “Not since he arrived home Friday night. He texted Mark this morning though, just making sure he’d eaten breakfast.” Doyoung manages a small laugh. “Despite everything he still takes the time to check on others.”

Taeyong squeezes his hand, “that’s our Woo for you.”

Despite everything? Jaehyun is confused, what are they talking about? Last time he saw Jungwoo he was laughing with Haechan. He decides to hide behind the pillar, trying to decipher what it is they mean.

He sees Yuta sigh. “So do we know if he’s had any more panic attacks?”

Jaehyun’s blood runs cold. What?

“I don’t know Yuta Hyung. Being honest even if he had another one I’m not sure he’d tell us. Not after how worried we were on Friday.”

Friday?? Jungwoo had a panic attack on Friday? Jaehyun can’t hold it back anymore, he rushes towards them, feeling his heart rate quicken up.

“Jungwoo had a panic attack?”

Johnny jumps in surprise at Jaehyun’s arrival. Seeing the anger already beginning to rise on Yuta’s face he leans over and pulls him away slightly. “Jae I don’t think this is the time…”

Jaehyun pulls his hand back. “The time for what? Eh? If Jungwoo isn’t well I need to know!”

Yuta walks into Jaehyun’s space, leaning in towards him. “What **you** need is to walk away. Now.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what is happening with Jungwoo! What happened? Where is he?” Jaehyun thinks he can see the anger radiating out of Yuta.

“You don’t get to ask that Jaehyun.”

“I don’t get to ask? What the fuck Hyung he’s my best friend I-”

Yuta grabs Jaehyun by the arm, as if he wants to break it. “You don’t get to say that anymore. You do not get to walk over here, acting the concerned friend when you clearly don’t give a shit. You do not get to act like you care when it’s you who broke his h-”

“Yuta!” Taeyong hisses, gently pulling Yuta away before he can say too much. “Let’s go get some air.” Taeyong smiles reassuringly at Doyoung and leads Yuta away, Johnny following behind. Yuta glares one last time at Jaehyun, and Taeyong and Johnny both avoid eye contact all together.

Jaehyun desperately grabs Doyoung by the arms. “Please Hyung, what happened is Jungwoo okay? Please talk to me..”

Doyoung sighs. “He broke down on Friday, badly. His anxiety is playing up again and he’s… he’s not doing well Jae. Not doing well at all.”

Jaehyun feels physically sick seeing the pain in Doyoung’s eyes, especially knowing that it’s his fault.

“Well can I see him?”

“Jae…”

“No Doyoung please don’t I just want the chance to ask if he’s okay. Please let me see him. I promise I’ll be good, just let me be there for him”

“Jaehyun- ah it’s not that I don’t want you to. Jungwoo isn’t here.”

Jaehyun can’t hide the confusion from his face. “What? Where is he?”

“He’s gone home Jae. As if back with his family.”

Jaehyun is certain his whole World just shook. “What?? No. No he can’t! He needs us at a time like this! His family can't help him! He’s so far away we need him here!”

“What we need isn’t important Jae. It’s about Jungwoo, and he needed to go home. Being here was making things worse. You know Jae, being here with…”

Jaehyun wants to cry. Of course Jungwoo can’t be here, Jungwoo can’t be near him. Because Jaehyun is making him worse. Jaehyun is making him ill. How can Jaehyun live like that? Knowing he’s done that to Jungwoo?

“Hyung I…”

“Jaehyun- ah I need to get to class, and so do you. Jungwoo will be okay, I will make sure of it. And I’ll...I’ll see you around…”

He pats Jaehyun’s arm sympathetically, and walks away. There was a time where Doyoung and Jaehyun would never say goodbye without a hug, but now those days seem like ancient history.

Jaehyun’s mind feels like it’s about to explode, his heart going at what seems like a hundred miles an hour. That’s not how he thought his first conversation with The Gang would go. He just wants his best friends back, his girlfriend back, his happiness back. He wants someone with him, someone to hold him, to tell him it will be okay. But he’s lost his friends, he’s never really had Hanna to begin with and Jungwoo is stuck elsewhere. And it’s all his fault.

Jungwoo, his best friend, the person he adores most in the World is falling apart, and Jaehyun thinks the taste of guilt stuck in his throat will be there for the rest of his life. “I did that”, he thinks.

“I broke my best friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!
> 
> eek i'm really not sure about this chapter so i hope u liked it ! i promise next time will be better.
> 
> i'd love to know your thoughts! u can dm me on twitter @ jungszeus i'd love to say hello!
> 
> i promise hana will be gone soon, will jungwoo be back ? who knows ;) 
> 
> please let me know any thoughts <3 
> 
> love,  
> m x


	10. The Cheat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Jaehyun struggles, he continues to feel the effects of isolation from those he loves. 
> 
> He doesn't think things can get any worse, but he makes a painful discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello <3 
> 
> i'm so sorry this update took so long, i'm back at uni and it's taking up all my time atm :/ i hope it's worth the wait!
> 
> i can't believe we're nearly on 800 hits, i'm honestly blown away. thank u so SO much.
> 
> WARNING - this chapter contains the subject of homophobia, so please please please do not read if this is something which could trigger u. i'm happy to let u know what happens without any details, likewise i'm always here to talk if u need someone. take care of yourselves loves, you are wonderful
> 
> enjoy and please let me know any feedback, it's really is super helpful <33

The sudden news of Jungwoo's move has shaken Jaehyun more than he could have ever imagined. He can't fully understand why, for they hadn't been talking at all recently, but at least the option was always there. Friendship with Jungwoo is feeling as though there's a constant warm hug around you, protecting you wherever you go. Just knowing that he has Jungwoo in his life has always felt like a privilege to Jaehyun, like a glimmer of sunshine on a rainy day. Now that the sunshine's gone, he's trapped in a storm. Jaehyun can't stop the heavy feeling of guilt, and it feels like it's chaining him down. It's forcing him to constantly reflect on their failed friendship, and how it's all his doing. More than anything he wishes he could turn back time, all the way back to his conversation with Shotaro. He would grab the opportunity and say as loud as he could possibly could "yes. I love my best friend and fuck anyone who has a problem with that." But he can't, Jungwoo is gone and Jaehyun doesn't know how he can even begin to get him back.

Jaehyun has always taken great pride in being strong, constantly desperate to be seen as untouchable. He forgets however that **everyone** has their limits, even Jaehyun. Despite everything, he's never felt so lonely in his whole life. The most popular guy in the whole school is the one feeling the biggest hole inside. He's not only trying to live without Jungwoo but he's having to live without The Gang, the only people he feels he can be himself around. They won't even say hello to him anymore, Yuta and Mark can't bear to even make eye contact with him. One thing that is hurting Jaehyun massively is that even Doyoung won't talk to him anymore. They have always been there for each other, and life without Jungwoo **and** Doyoung is hurting Jaehyun. The only way it can even begin to get better is if they reunite, something that seems 

The tension between him and Hana has reached an all time high and Jaehyun knows deep down that the end must be near. That should be a positive thing, a relief but he's terrified. He knows that if he loses Hana then he really will be all on his own, he'll be fending for himself in a World which he's lost all understanding of. Jaehyun isn't blind to the fact that Hana is toxic, that she's damaging, but he doesn't care. It's as if she's managed to place a spell over him, he can't understand how they can stay together but he also can't see himself without her. She's somehow managed to make him believe that she’s all he has, that she's all the good in the World wrapped into one person

He’s trapped.

Unfortunately for Jaehyun, The Gang can't see that Jaehyun's distance from them was not his own decision. The Gang weren't the only ones who noticed the closeness between Jungwoo and Jaehyun. No one batted an eyelid, if anything just thinking it was cute, but Hana found a problem with it. In true Hana style, she'd been watching them for a very long time. Hana decided that she wanted to date the captain of the basketball team, the most popular guy in the school, simply as a way to improve her own status. Hana could never understand why Jaehyun was so close to Jungwoo when he could have always had her. What's Jungwoo got that she hasn't? That's why Hana made it clear to Jaehyun that he couldn't talk to Jungwoo anymore. She made him choose between herself or Jungwoo and Jaehyun thought the easiest option would be choose Hana, avoiding questions about his sexuality. Somehow Jaehyun believed that it would be easier to be unhappy then to have to face his true self. Somehow his insecurities had become so deep within him that the idea of hiding seemed easier then having to fight his demons.

To Jaehyun's annoyance the week drags on slowly, like it will never end. Each day seems like a marathon, a marathon which Jaehyun is too scared to even begin. Hana has been spending every night staying at a friend's house, claiming she's helping someone in need. Jaehyun has been struggling to sleep lying alone. He spends every night wishing that he could be lying somewhere else with **someone** else. Despite how hard he begs his mind to focus elsewhere, he can't help but imagine how different everything would be if it was Jungwoo lying next to him, if he could hold him tight, breathing in his soft smell, feeling his delicate hair. But Jungwoo is nowhere to be found, no one is, _and it hurts_. Jaehyun can feel himself drifting more and more from the person he's always wanted to be. He barely sees Hana anymore and even when he does, he's left feeling like a nuisance, like a pain just to be around. He becomes more and more of a recluse, even skipping basketball then ignoring all of the angry emails sent from his Coach. What's the point? What's the point in trying to pretend to be happy, trying to pretend that you give a fuck when you'd rather hide away.

As he wakes up on Friday morning something in the air feels different, something he can't fully explain. He feels like there's a storm approaching, that storm coming in the form of major change. He takes extra care in getting ready, just because he feels like shit doesn't mean he has to look like shit to match. His hope is that if he looks presentable enough, then no one will feel the need to question the constant frown sketched onto his face. He looks his sky as he leaves, watching the way the sun hides behind the clouds. He has to swallow a laugh, for the sun looks as excited about the day ahead as he is. Every day feels like a massive chore when you're living a lie.

Jaehyun arrives at school just in time, choosing to arrive as lessons start, meaning he doesn't have to spend any time forcing interactions with people he doesn't care about. Being honest, he would have just as much success had he stayed at home, despite his genuine efforts he can't concentrate in any of his classes. He spends so long staring out of the wndow he feels he's only seconds from levitating out of it. People try to talk to him, they try to get his attention but his mind could not be further away from the classroom. He hates to admit it but in his mind, he's sat hand in hand with Jungwoo, somewhere he feels safe and secure. He's missing him but the only people who know how he's feeling are the same people who can't stand to be in the same room as him.

As soon as the bell goes for lunch, Jaehyun charges out the classroom, desperately seeking the silence and the comfort of the back field, somewhere he won’t be disturbed. He's craving isolation, the kind that leaves him free to reminisce over happier times. He finds the silence he desires hidden behind one of the trees around the corner from the main yard. He leans his back against it and sits down on the grass, enjoying the way the wind rushes through his hair. He takes a deep breath, desperately wishing time to pass and for another day to be over. He pulls out his phone, hopeful he'll see some sort of sign Hana has thought of him at least once today, but his screen is hurtfully empty. The days of constantly having unread messages seems like alien times. If he's learnt one thing that day at school it's that when you distance yourself from all those around you, some just won't fight to get you back. 

He sighs deeply as he hears footsteps approaching around the corner, violently crossing his fingers that they'll stop walking, that they won't end up right in front of him. He can't help but overhear their conversation, they don’t sound like people trying to avoid making lots of noise. His eyes suddenly widen as he hears a familiar voice.

Could it be?

It is… **It’s Hana.**

“I know Kai, I want to be with you too. I really do… but you know I can’t.”

Jaehyun feels sweat falling from his forehead, he tightens his fists. He doesn't want to hear anymore, but can't help but listen.

“Of course you can babe. You just need to dump that pretty boy and come be with me instead. I can show you what a real man is.”

He hears a loud laugh, one that sends shivers down the back of his spine.

“A real man hey? How about you become the basketball Captain, get a few more Instagram followers and maybe dress in designer labels not just your sports gear. Then I might consider it.”

Jaehyun's heart begins to thud through his chest. He hears more laughter, as if it's getting louder and louder.

“Talk about having all the gear but no having no idea! You need to trust me on this one Han. When everyone finally sees who that boy is, it’s me you’re gonna be with.”

Jaehyun feels his hands begin to shake as hurt rushes through his body. He's known for a long time that Hana wasn't in love with him, maybe she never was. He'd even potentially say that she doesn't even like him anymore, but this is just cruel.

“I know that Kai, trust me I do but think about it. If I dump him now, people are obviously gonna wonder why. Then what will I do if they figure it out? I'll be the laughing stock of the school for falling for a gay guy who's in love with his own best friend. And that's not even the worst of it, that best friend who he's clearly in love with he's managed to scare away." 

Jaehyun has to fight to stop tears from rolling down his face.

"And even worse than that, he's too scared to admit he loves his best friend because he really hates himself **that** much!"

The sound of Kai's laughter surrounds Jaehyun, engulfing him in anguish.

“The kid is an absolute mess. He’s so embarrassing!”

Jaehyun's had enough now. He takes a deep breath and stands up, terrified of hearing anymore. His legs begin to carry him, dragging him towards the voices. His head is yelling at him to stop but he knows he has to do this. He has to regain power and finally stand up for himself. If he doesn't do it now, then when?

As he turns the corner he's met with the sight of Hana and Kai kissing. Hana is leaning up, her arms wrapped tight around his waist, curling into the fabric of his top. Kai’s hands are lost in her hair, stroking her head. Jaehyun can feel anger deep within his soul and he can feel himself quickly loosing control. He sees the way Kai smiles, staring into the eyes of **his** own girlfriend and Jaehyun snaps. He charges forward, like a man on a mission.

Before his head can advise him otherwise, he grabs Kai by the arm, met with a face of pure surprise. He can hear Hana yelling but he ignores it, throwing his fist high into the hair then storming it into Kai's jaw, feeling utter glee as his fist makes impact. Everything happens in slow motion, the way Kai's face rolls backwards, the way his body hits the floor with a deafening bang. He climbs over Kai's body, and is about to land another blow as Hana pulls him back.

“JAEHYUN! Jaehyun STOP! Jaehyun please what are you doing!?”

Hana desperately holds him by the arms, using all her might to prevent him from lunging forward. Jaehyun growls.

“What am **I** doing? Hana did you really just ask me that!?”

Hana looks at him with tears forming in her eyes, desperate for his sympathy. “Baby I can explain-"

“Don’t you dare call me that! Fucking Hell Hana don’t even look at me!”

“Jaehyun listen-”

“No **you** listen! I gave you everything you wanted Hana, everything! I bought you the nicest things, I took you to the nicest places. I let you into my life, I let you take over my life. Do you know how much that means to me? I let you into my home, my **safe place** and you come and do this. How could you?”

Hana grabs his shoulders but he pushes her off, hating even the idea of her touching her.

“Don’t touch me, don’t even come near me. Don’t look at me EVER again. Because of you I’ve lost my friends who are the closest thing to family I’ve ever had.”

His voice finally breaks. “I’ve lost my family Han… because of you.”

He struggles to speak, stuttering over his words. “I...I- I.”

He throws his head back suddenly yelling as loud as he can, not noticing the large crowd beginning to form. “ Look what you’ve done to me.”

Tears begin to roll down his face before he has the chance to stop them.

“You think you know me so well do you? You think you know things about me? Well then why did you ever want to date me? Was I really just a game to you? You've made me feel like nothing. You laughed at me, ridiculed me, made me feel so small and I let you. Well not anymore. I'm done”

“You’ve got me completely wrong Hana. You're right that I may have liked someone else, but I do also like girls, I like girls a lot...

Just not you… I **hate** you.”

He glares at Hana one last time, channelling all the hate he has within him into one look. He slowly walks towards Kai who is still sat in shock on the floor, blood pouring from his mouth. He smirks as he leans in, just close enough to whisper in Kai’s ear...

“Imagine having less followers then a closeted basketball Captain. Now **that’s** embarrassing.”

He turns around, only now noticing the large crowd watching his every move. How much have they seen, how much have they heard? Fuck it, it doesn’t matter any more, nothing matters anymore.

He glances to his left, surprised to see The Gang staring back at him. Their jaws are on the floor, all in utter shock at their friend’s outburst. Doyoung stares with panic in his eyes, walking gradually towards Jaehyun. before he can get any closer, Jaehyun shouts.

**“Fuck off! You can all fuck off, everyone here fuck off!”**

Not taking the time to wait for a response Jaehyun begins to run as fast as his legs can carry him. He runs from the shouts, the names, the stares, he just keeps running for safety. Jaehyun had been so slow to realise what safety was but now it all became clear to him. He knows exactly where he’s headed.

**Jaehyun’s going home.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !
> 
> i hope u enjoyed this one, where do u think jaehyun's safe place is ? i'll give u a clue... it's not a location ;)
> 
> i appreciate all ur kindness so far and i REALLY hope ur enjoying. it would mean a lot to hear any thoughts, please feel free to send me a message whenever.
> 
> thank u for any kudos <33
> 
> stay safe and well and see you next time.
> 
> lots of love 
> 
> m x


	11. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun finally finds his way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :) long time no see !
> 
> firstly thank u SO SO much for 1000 hits! honestly wtf i can't believe it and i'm so happy. thank u for reading my crappy lil fic and i hope im not boring u too much!
> 
> as always it would mean a lot to hear any thoughts if u have any and i hope you enjoy this chapter. is this the beginning of jaewoo? who knows ;)

It's been weeks now since Jungwoo left his shared apartment with Mark and fled to his family home up north. It's taken tears and screams and a broken heart but he finally feels like he's in the safety of a sound mind. The journey home was a long one, and not just due to distance. Being with his family wasn't as comforting as he had hoped. He didn't want to discuss any details with them about Jaehyun and they aren't exactly the most calming company. They've been trying their best but anxiety isn't something that they understand, preferring to leave it to Doctor's. That being said Jungwoo did feel like a massive weight had been removed off his shoulders as soon as he was away from Jaehyun and Hana. He could now walk around town without worrying he'd turn a corner and they'd be making out, he knew he could hang in his room without a worried roomate pacing outside the door, he knew he's now free to be himself. He hopes Jaehyun and Hana are happy, but that happiness is not something he wants to see.

He still keeps in contact with The Gang, especially with Mark. He feels guilty that he left his roommate alone and he's frequently checking in on how he's doing, the World could be ending and Jungwoo would still be taking his caring Hyung role seriously. The Gang have been keeping in contact with him in different ways. Haechan and Taeil have been sending him a variety of memes, feeling a huge sense of pride when Jungwoo tells them they've made him laugh. Johnny and Taeyong text him in the morning, wishing him a great day and reminding him they're just on the other end of the phone. Doyoung doesn't even attempt to hide his affection, texting him multiple times to check he's okay and reminding him how loved he really is. Yuta would never usually spend much time talking to someone over text, let alone to send messages of love and support but here he is checking in with Jungwoo everyday. Yuta feels so much guilt for all that's happened, the image of Jungwoo breaking down in his arms fresh in his mind. That guilt will remain until his friend is back with a large smile on his face, a sight Yuta dreams of seeing again.

The only thing that hasn't changed in Jungwoo's mind since moving back home are his feelings for Jaehyun. He has to actively suppress the images of him and Hana to be able to sleep properly at night. The way in which Hana looked at him is fresh in his mind, the glare she gave and how how hurt he felt when Jaehyun never came to his defence. If he could rewire his mind he would, he wouldn't have butterflies fly around his stomach at simply the thought of him, he wouldnt lie awake at night wishing he was in his arms. More than this overwhelming love there's a sense of mourning, of loss. Regardless of any romantic feelings, Jaehyun has been in Jungwoo's life for years, and not as a random bystander but as a catalyst, as a hope. Jungwoo would forget the idea of anything more than a regular friendship blossoming between the pair if he could just have his mate back. Jungwoo longs for normality but he's proud of himself for putting his health first. He's determined that the realms of rock bottom will never be explored by him ever again. 

Jungwoo's head turns in surprise, hearing a knock at his door. His parents have gone on a business trip for the weekend and he isn't expecting any visitors. As much as he wanted to order food in he thought he'd better cook. Anything to make himself feel slightly better he thinks to himself. Health is wealth, isn't that what people say? The door knocks again and he rolls his eyes, not really in the mood for any useless dialogue with a neighbour about gardening or the town hall's new roof. He heads towards the door, prepared to look as friendly as possible but his heart seems to stop at the figure stood in front of him... 

"Jaehyun!?" 

Jungwoo's eyes widen and his mouth drops so hard he thinks he'll find it on the floor. He must be seeing things, this can't be real. 

"Hi Jungwoo..."

Jaehyun looks as though he's about to break, like there's tension building through his whole body, desperate to escape. 

"Jaehyun." 

Jungwoo's plan to even crack a slight smile has disappeared, he's surprised himself with the anger he feels at the arrival of his friend. All he wants to do is to slam his door in his face and send him on his way.

Jaehyun pauses, hurt at Jungwoo's reaction. 

"I guess you're probably wondering why I'm here." 

"Well yes it has crossed my mind once or twice." Jungwoo snaps. 

"Could I come in? Just for a minute I promise." 

Jungwoo sighs, "I don't know..." 

"Please. Please Jungwoo just hear me out. If you want me to leave after I've finished I'll go and I'll never bother you again."

Jungwoo is shocked at the pleading tone of Jaehyun's voice, he can't remember ever seeing him like this before. The way his eyes are screaming is scaring Jungwoo and despite his plan to remain firm, he would never leave a friend in pain. 

"Come in then." 

Jaehyun breathes out in relief and walks into the hallway, feeling better even just seeing Jungwoo. He can't help but feel relief that he looks okay, looking healthy and happier then the image he got from The Gang's description when he heard about his panic attacks. He follows Jungwoo into the living room, and he smiles at the familiar sight of Jungwoo's family home. Memories come flooding back to Jaehyun, afternoons spent playing in the garden, eating together at the table, always racing to finish quickly to go and play games. Those small moments he took for granted at the time, he now understands were moments to treasure. He finds himself walking over to the shelves, smiling at the family photo's hanging up. His heart glows looking at the photos of baby Jungwoo. Jungwoo really always has been beautiful, Jaehyun thinks to himself. 

"Things were much easier back then. How things can change." 

Jaehyun jumps at the sound of Jungwoo's voice, he knows he's directing his words towards him. 

"Jungwoo I'm-" 

"No!" 

Jungwoo swallows, regretting the sharpness in his voice. 

"Don't say sorry. Don't say anything. I don't want to talk about this Jaehyun." 

"We need to talk though Woo." 

Jungwoo grits his teeth, fighting the urge to get upset, instead focusing on the anger rising through his body.

"Why? What is there to talk about Jaehyun? What is there to say? What do you need to say to me so badly that you had to come all the way here, for you t-" 

" **I love you**."

Jungwoo swears time has stopped as he stares at Jaehyun. He's expecting Jaehyun to laugh, to admit this is some cruel attempt at a joke but instead he's met with his best friend with tears rolling down his face.

"I fucking love you Jungwoo. I love you more than love itself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiii <3 
> 
> a cliffhanger ! did u see that coming ? will jungwoo say it back? or will his anger get too much?  
> i would love to know what u think if u have any thoughts please let me know!
> 
> stay safe and healthy,
> 
> \- m x


	12. It’s too late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun finally admits his true feelings, but he learns that sometimes love isn’t enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello 💛
> 
> i hope u enjoy this chapter! tbh i’m not completely sure on it 🥺 thank you as always for reading, i appreciate you all so much <3

Jungwoo can’t remember the first time he saw Jaehyun as being more than a friend. There was never an exact moment when Jungwoo stopped seeing Jaehyun as his best friend and as the love of his life, there was never an epiphany when the truth was revealed. Jungwoo has loved Jaehyun since the day they met, never doubting for even a second that he wouldn’t go to Hell and back if Jaehyun was to ever ask. 

Being an affectionate person, Jungwoo has always enjoyed skinship, finding comfort in the arms of others. That’s why Jungwoo never felt odd about his relationship with Jaehyun. The nights lying together under the stars, hand in hand, feeling on the top of the World. The wiping of tears, the holding of heads all a common occurrence, Jungwoo feeling like Jaehyun himself is a physical barrier, keeping him safe from any hardships out in the World. 

Sometimes Jungwoo considers the idea that he isn’t is love with Jaehyun, and that it’s simply a situation he’s created. Deep down he kows that’s him wishing for a different reality, knowing it would be easier for them both. All Jungwoo knows is that there came a time where he wanted Jaehyun next to him for the rest of his life. When he made the decision to finally confront the truth, admitting to himself his true feelings everything seemed that bit easier. Even though Jaehyun didn’t know, Jungwoo could sleep at night knowing he’s honest with himself, and that is so important. Eventually Jungwoo opened his mind to the possibility that Jaehyun may feel the same, he tried to tell himself he was imagining it but their was an undernyable feeling that would hit him whenever the two would be together. It wasn’t a one sided thing anymore, Jaehyun would engage in extra skinship, something he would usually hate. The way they would both look at each other was as though they both had Universes in their eyes and Jungwoo realised that the very same love he was sharing with Jaehyun, Jaehyun was beginning to give back. Jungwoo was happy with neither mentoning it, knowing that time reveals all, Jungwoo never even for a second imagined that either would turn to someone else, hoping that love would prevail. When Jaehyun said he had a date with someone else it wasn’t just the pain of that moment Jungwoo had to deal with, but the pain of having to mourn years of silent yet powerful love. 

“I fucking love you Jungwoo. I love you more than love itself.”

Tears roll from Jaehyun’s eyes as he stares at Jungwoo, desperately trying to decipher the look on his face. Jungwoo looks pale, but emotionless, a blank expression etched onto his face. Jaehyun struggles to breathe, restraining himself from going and shaking Jungwoo by the shoulders, demanding a response, demanding an end to the silence ringing through his mind. His heart aches at the sight of Jungwoo’s hands trembling, the friend usually loud and bubbly, as happy as a golden sun is now staring back at him as if the rain has began a catastrophic flood. He can’t take it anymore, Jaehyun needs to hear him say it back, Jaehyun needs to hear Jungwoo admit how he feels.

“Jungwoo I-“

“Don’t say another word.” Jungwoo spits out the words, venom climbing through him. He tries to ignore the hurt clear in Jaehyun’s eyes as he finally lets loose the anger that’s been slowly killing him. 

“Shut your mouth Jaehyun and don’t open it again until you’re out that door do you understand?” 

Jaehyun feels as though the hope he had has just fallen on the floor with Jungwo’s harsh words. “No Woo I won’t shut my mouth, I will not stop. I’ve spent so long not saying the truth and running away that now I need to be honest. Please Woo, I need this.” 

“And what about what I need Jaehyun? Did you think about that just for a second?” 

“No Woo I don’t understand I thought…” 

“You thought what?”

Jaehyun takes a deep breath. “I thought you loved me too.”

Jungwoo’s heart begins to sting, pain racing through his body. 

“And that’s the answer is it ?” 

“Huh? Is what the answer? Fuck Woo you’re not making any sense”

Jungwoo feels anger in the pit of his stomach, he rushes towards Jaehyun, holding him against the wall, the crash sounding so loud it distracts Jaehyun from the pain of his back slammed against the wall. For the first time ever, Jungwoo looks at Jaehyun with pure hatred in his eyes, like he’s looking at his worst enemy, not the person he loves.

“You’re sucha fucking idiot Jaehyun, you’re really gona stand there and tell me that love is the answer are you? You tell me then is love gonna stop my hand from shaking to the point where I can’t use it? Is love gonna stop my stomach from aching, feeling like a constant stabbing because of how anxious I am? Is love gonna let me go two days without having a panic attack, feeling my heart is moments away from simply stopping?”

Jungwoo feels his hands drop from Jaehyun’s neck and Jaehyun doesn’t move despite the fact that Jungwoo isn’t stopping him anymore. For the first time since his arrival Jungwoo isn’t boiling with anger anymore, he’s now simply hurt.

“Jaehyun this isn’t about you. I’m not here because of you okay? I’m here because I’m a complete mess.”

“I’m a mess too though Jungwoo! Please Woo you don’t understand Hana was...”

“Hana was what Jae?”

Jaehyun takes a deep breath, knowing he’s about to admit things he’s been too scared to even say to himself. 

“She was a fucking monster, a fucking manipulative cruel lying piece of shit. It was her who stopped me from talking to you and the others. She wouldn’t let me near anyone else. She’d call me names, she’d make me drink with her. Jungwoo she cheated on me. I put up with everything, I did all I could to make her happy and she cheated on me. She’s awful Jungwoo, she’s evil.” 

Jungwoo pauses.

“But Jaehyun you still chose her over me.” 

Jaehyun swears the guilt is going to eat him alive as he stares at his best friend trying to stay strong.

Jaehyun’s voice cracks. “It wasn’t like that Woo…” 

Jungwoo lets out a laugh. “Wasn’t it? Oh sorry did I get it wrong? So you didn’t pretend like I never existed?” 

Jaehyun yells, “She made me Jungwoo Hana fucking made me!” 

“I don’t give a fuck jaehyun. I don’t care anymore.” 

“Jungwoo I need you to care. I need you Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo puts his hand to his head and tried desperately to hold back tears.

“And I needed you! Where were you when I was breaking then Jaehyun? You promised me.”

Jungwoo feels a tear rolling down his face. Fuck, he thinks. But he just can’t hold it in anymore.

“You promised me Jaehyun, you swore you’d always be here. And you weren’t.”

“But Woo I didn’t know!”

Jaehyun takes a step towards Jungwoo to wipe his tears but he’s pushed away.

“You didn’t know or you didn’t care? Because there’s a big difference Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun feels anger at that question. He’s made mistakes but he didn’t stop caring for even a simple second and it hurts that Jungwoo would ever think that.

“How can you say that Woo? How could you ever think that I don’t care about you?” 

“How could I think you do!? It’s hardly like you’ve shown me you do!” 

“Because I think about you every single minute of every single day and I have done for what seems like forever now. Woo Hana took everything from me, she took my friends, my sports, my grades, my love for life. She wouldn’t let me breathe without her but I’d do it al again. I’d live through that hundreds of time for one good time with you.”  
Jungwoo’s head feels as though it’s about to explode.

“I get it now Jungwoo. Finally it’s like the clouds of cleared and I finally understand that it’s you. It’s you I want to spend every minute with, it’s you I want to sleep next to, to wake up next to. You’re the one I want to tell everything to. I want to hold your hand, I want to kiss you, I want you so much Jungwoo. And I’m just so sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier.” 

“But what about what I want!?”

“Well just tell me then what do you want Woo?” 

“I want to get my life back on track and I can’t do that with all this going on.”

Jungwoo takes a deep breath and for the first time since Jaehyun arrived, he cracks a slight smile.

“I love you too Jaehyun, you know that. You’ve probably realised by now that I always have but…”

“But what Woo? Tell me.”

“It’s too late. It’s just too late.”

Jaehyun goes to argue but he stops when he sees Jungwoo’s face. He sees a look of desperation, like he’s pleading for his life and Jaehyun then realises that more than anything he just wants Jungwoo to be happy. And if the only way Jungwoo can be happy is without him, then it will always be worth it.

He takes one step closer to Jungwoo and leans in, gently placing a kiss on his cheek, trying to ignore the tears he can feel on his best friends face.

“I’m sorry Jungwoo. I’m so so sorry. I’ll be here for you whatever, and forever. Look after yourself, and know you’ll always have my heart. ”

The journey back was the longest hour of Jaehyun’s life, he felt like he was driving around aimlessly, his destination was never meant to be a place but a person, but that person isn’t currently sat in the passengers seat. He’s desperate for his head to stop for simply a second, the events of the past months are going round and round in his mind and he can feel it, he can feel the pressure weighing against his mind. He’s never felt pain like it.

Doyoung twists his head to the sound of someone at the door, confused at who’s visiting so late at night. He places down his glass and shouts over towards Taeyong who’s sat at the table. “Just getting the door babe.”

He walks through the hall way and unlocks the latch, still confused about who he was going to be met with. He gasps as he opens the door, immediately holding out his arms. He suddenly feels the weight of Jaehyun collapsing into him, sobbing into his shoulder. 

“Hey hey hey Jaehyun are you okay? What’s happened?”

Doyoung doesn’t receive an answer, Jaehyun continues to sob, desperately grabbing onto Doyoung’s shirt, as if he’s scared he’ll disappear. 

“Jae you’re scaring me what is it? Talk to me love.”

Doyoung strokes Jaehyun’s hair as Jaehyun looks up at his Hyung, tears steaming down his face. He gulps through his sobs, finding comfort in Doyoung’s arms, feeling love for the first time in what seems like forever. 

Doyoung holds his hands tight. “Come on Jae, tell Hyung what’s the matter.”

Jaehyun gulps.

“It’s too late.” 

Jaehyun’s sobs return and Doyoung simply holds him tight. As Taeyong walks out to see what’s happening he’s met with the sight of a broken boy, looking more fragile than he’s ever been. Jaehyun keeps repeating the same phrase over and over, like he’s stuck in a trance.

“It’s too late.”

—

Mark: hey woo, i haven’t heard from you today i just wanted to see how you’re doing? miss u x  
Jungwoo : markie, refill the fridge. i think it’s about time i came home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well ...
> 
> 🥺 i’m sorry if that wasn’t the reconciliation you were expecting. being honest i originally planned for everything to work out, jaehyun to admit how he feels and jungwoo to accept his love, they would kiss and live happily ever after. but i thought that it just wouldn’t be right. jungwoo’s right, love isn’t always enough. if you’re broken inside that’s something that can’t be mended by someone else. growth comes from within , if you can’t love yourself, how can you ever expect to love anyone else ? 
> 
> it’s not selfish to focus on yourself, it’s completely okay to put yourself first, it’s okay to want to feel the love you seek from others coming from within. jungwoo is hurt, he’s lost, jaehyun can’t fix that. that’s something jungwoo has to do on his own. 
> 
> thank you SO much for reading i’d love love love to hear what you think 🥺 and if you have any ideas for what you’d like to happen next i’d love to him them too. 
> 
> stay safe and happy always ❤️  
> -m


	13. A different kind of sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not ashamed anymore, I'm not scared. I'm finally trying to be myself and it's Jungwoo who deserves all the credit. Even if he isn't here to see it." - Jaehyun

"Come on Jae, come sit down with us. You can pick the film?"

Jaehyun sighs at Doyoung's kindness. Since the morning he woke up in Doyoung and Taeyong's bed with dried tears stuck to his face, his Hyung's have done all they can to cheer their heartbroken friend up. Unfortunately for Jaehyun, their efforts haven't worked. They gave him space, tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible and eventually he explained what happened when he travelled to see Jungwoo. Mark already knew of course, Jungwoo had rang him immediately after to fill him in and Mark promised Jaehyun that all would be okay. He couldn't tell him he'd spoken to Jungwoo but he hoped his promise made him feel even a little bit better. They all kept telling him, just give it time, give it time and all will be okay, but Jaehyun wasn't sure. They all asked Jaehyun to stay with them, but he declined, claiming to need some space. 

The Gang were all shocked when they heard Jaehyun had finally opened up to Jungwoo, they were obviously sad it didn't work out but also very proud of his honesty. If anything, the emotion they all felt the most was confusion, it was a situation they just couldn't completely understand. They'd spent months thinking that all the pair needed was to be honest with each other and they could run away into the sunset together, taking all their friends with them. The night Jaehyun returned, when Doyoung finally got him to sleep he rang Yuta straight away. Yuta immediately rang Jungwoo, terrified something had happened hence why he would have rejected Jaehyun, but he was shocked to be met with a clear, bright sounding Jungwoo. It was like he'd finally started to find peace in his independence and Yuta was torn. He was happy for Jungwoo, happy that finally his friend was getting better but it also broke him slightly. They'd all spent months praying for their best friends to find happiness and they always assumed they'd find it in each other. Now it was as though Jungwoo was finally on the mend, but Jaehyun was spiralling. Doyoung felt terrible, guilt physically hurting him as he reminisced on how hard he was towards Jaehyun. Yes, he did deserve it, but he still felt awful that he couldn't keep Jaehyun away from Hana. Mark rang Jungwoo as soon as he received his text, desperately excited for his return. The secrecy killing him, but choosing not to tell the others just incase.

For The Gang, it was almost like they'd gone back in time, just switching Jungwoo for Jaehyun. The situation was eerily similar. Jaehyun had fallen into his shell, not massively emotional like Jungwoo, not crying once since his breakdown at Doyoung's. He was simply silent, at all times. His attendance at school began to drop immediately, and when he was present, he spent hours avoiding Hana and her clique. The whole school now knew about her cheating on him, and he was being judged at all corners. It turns out Hana and Kai had been seeing each other from the beginning, Jaehyun was always just a pawn in her game. It wasn't that long ago that the Gang were avoiding mentioning Jaehyun's name in front of Jungwoo, and now they were doing the same thing. They were no longer mentioning it Jungwoo. Anytime they mentioned his name, a flash of guilt would fly through Jaehyun's eyes, and it became clear for them all to see he was still incredibly worried about his friend. It was Mark who was dealing with it better than anyone, still speaking to Jungwoo everyday. He was the only one who could look Jaehyun in the eye when he said all would be okay, he knew that slowly but surely, Jungwoo was getting better.

Jaehyun was trying to keep as much distance between him and The Gang that he could. The only reason he was currently stood in Johnny's living room is because Haechan begged him to come to their sleep over.

"Jae?" 

Jaehyun looks up, and realises that he's ignored his Hyung's question. Doyoung catches his eye and notices his discomfort. He walks over, leaving the rest of The Gang sitting in the living room and gently tugs on Jaehyun's arm. "Come on. Let's go get a drink." 

Doyoung grabs two glasses and pours one for himself and hands one to Jaehyun.

"I don't like seeing you this quiet Jae."

Jaehyun sips his drink slowly, and sighs. "I'm okay Hyung. Really. It's just a bit tough right now you know."

Doyoung decides not to say anything, desperate for Jaehyun to open up. Instead, he smiles gently and nods, praying his eyes are gleaming with encouragement.

"I miss him Hyung. I really fucking miss him. It was different before, as much as I was missing him I knew that there was no chance. I was too ashamed, too scared, too fucking stubborn. But now it's all different. It's hard to explain but it's like... Oh I don't know but I'm not ashamed anymore, I'm not scared. I'm finally trying to be myself and it's Jungwoo who deserves all the credit. Even if he isn't here to see it." 

Doyoung reaches over and strokes his hand reassuringly. "Keep going."

"I can deal with the comments at school, the nasty looks, the constant judgement. I'm better off without Hana I know that. If I never see that lot again it will be too soon. I can deal with it though. I can deal with loosing the captaincy, being kicked off the teams, I can take it all. But I'm really struggling with knowing how much pain I put Jungwoo through. I don't know how I'm meant to sleep at night knowing I hurt him so badly."

"Jaehyun you have to stop beating yourself up about this. It's not healthy. Give yourself a break okay, you know what you did was wrong but it wasn't all your fault. You know that right? Yes you didn't help but Jungwoo would have struggled regardless, like he's struggled before. And that wasn't your fault was it?"

"But you don't know that Hyung. There's no way to prove it, yes Jungwoo may have had tough times but I made this happen. I should be there to help him through tough times, not make them worse! The blame should sit with me and I get that. But it's hard. Knowing that I made someone feel so shit about themselves, that Jungwoo hated himself, thought there was something wrong with him all because of me. And you know what the worst part is? When I saw him he was mad and upset but he told me it was okay. He told me he still loved me." 

Jaehyun's voice wavers slightly.

"Pain was written across his face clear as day, and there he making sure I knew he still loves me and in that moment that's all I wanted to hear. I just wanted to be reminded that I could be loved, and here he was saying it to me when I really didn't deserve it." 

"You do deserve it Jaehyun. You and Jungwoo both deserve to wake up every morning knowing how loved you are, you both deserve to fall asleep at night knowing it. You're both worthy of so much."

Jaehyun's head turns at the sound of Yuta's voice coming from the doorway.

"I wasn't eavesdropping I promise, I just came in and heard and I had to say something."

Jaehyun smiles, "it's okay. Thank you for saying that Hyung."

Yuta walks in further and stares Jaehyun in the eyes.

"I care for you far too much to lie to you Jae and you already know what I think. You were a dick, a big one. And God I was so fucking mad at you but I look at you now and all I feel is pride. We all get things wrong sometimes. _Even_ this one." He points at Doyoung and winks, "even if he'd never admit it. But you **are** admitting it, and you went and you found Jungwoo and you opened up. Trust me when I say that meant the World to him. You are such a good person, but you're human. Humans make mistakes, it's part of our being. But if you make the effort to make amends, then being human is nothing to be ashamed of."

Jaehyun smiles at his Hyung and for the first time, begins to think that maybe he isn't so bad after all as Yuta pulls him into a tight hug. 

"Hey! This was my conversation don't leave me out!" 

Jaehyun laughs at the glare on Doyoung's face and pulls him into the hug as well. They hold each other tight until Mark comes rushing through to the kitchen, a massive grin across his face. 

"Mark?" Doyoung asks in surprise. 

"One second Hyung." He winks at his friends. "Just got to grab something from the door." 

As Mark runs out the rest of The Gang walk into the kitchen, confusion clear on their faces also. 

"Did that brat order food without us!?" 

"He better not have Hyung!" Haechan nods his head in agreement at the disgust written across Yuta's face. 

Suddenly before they get the chance to discuss Mark's sudden disappearance they hear footsteps approaching the door. They notice quickly that it isn't one pair of footsteps, but they can hear two. The Gang look around in confusion, curious as to who Mark has picked up from outside. They take a step closer as the door begins to open. Jaehyun thinks his heart has stopped as he's met with a familiar smile.

**It's Jungwoo.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves <33
> 
> i can't believe we're reaching the end of this story, there's not many chapters left :( i think i have an idea of where i'd like the plot to go but i would love any suggestions if you have any !
> 
> thank you for reading and being so patient with me, i'm well aware this story isn't perfect, but i hope you're enjoying the journey all the same. is this finally the beginning of a happy ending ? 
> 
> please please please take care of yourselves and stay safe.
> 
> sending love -m x
> 
> :))


	14. It's never too late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I guess we’re as bad as each other… in more ways than one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves 🤍
> 
> i’m sorry this chapter took so long i just really wanted it to be perfect. honestly, i’m not entirely sure it is but i hope you can see my intentions. 
> 
> i think this chapter could be what you’ve been waiting for. so enjoy and i look forward to hearing what you think :)

Jaehyun’s heart has suddenly stopped, every part of him has. He's convinced he must be dying, for life shouldn't be this painful. He can see figures moving in front of his eyes but he can’t register what or who they are. He’s always said only Jungwoo matters and that seems clear now as Jungwoo is the only person his eyes seem to be focusing on. His eyes are glued to the large grin plastered across his face, looking like the sun is shining out of his eyes. Jungwoo's smile doesn’t move for even a second, even as Haechan dives into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist like a koala clinging to a tree. Instead he just laughs, the sound like music to Jaehyun’s ears.

“Mind his face you brat!” Yuta places a gentle hand to Jungwoo’s head, ruffling his hair. “Our Woo.” Jungwoo laughs and smiles at his friends, grinning as Johnny hugs him tight and Doyoung grabs his other hand. “Your Woo.”

It doesn’t take long for everyone to join the hug, all desperate to be close to Jungwoo, even if it’s just to check that he’s real; that they’re not hallucinating. Everyone joins apart from Jaehyun who still hasn’t moved since the surprise arrival. He’s desperate to feel the warmth of his friend but it doesn’t seem right. He can’t find comfort in the smiles on his friend’s faces, their relief is instead painful to him. The reason they’re so relieved is because Jungwoo no longer looks broken, and he only ever looked broken because of him.

Is it wrong to feel happy? Is it wrong to celebrate an ending to something that you caused? Jaehyun doesn’t know and confusion is clear on his face for all to see. Taeyong notices his discomfort and waves him over, but Jaehyun panics. His throat begins to close as Jungwoo looks over and they make eye contact for the first time in what seems like forever. He's shocked to see Jungwoo smile. Yes, it’s a small smile, a nervous one, but it’s a smile all the same. The Gang turn around, waiting for Jaehyun to react, hope clear on their faces. Jungwoo takes a step towards him, but Jaehyun panics, turning around and running out the door.

“Jaehyun Wait!” Doyoung goes to chase after him but Jungwoo gently grabs his arm.

“Let me Hyung.” Jungwoo takes a deep breath. “I think it’s time I fixed a few things.”

Jaehyun runs as fast as he can out the building and crashes his back into the wall, sliding down onto the grass of Johnny's garden. His heart is pounding out of his chest and he puts his head in his hands, desperately trying to ignore the way his head pounds into his skull. You fucking idiot, he thinks to himself. How long can this continue? When will he be able to think of Jungwoo and not feel like the World is seconds away from ending? When will he finally feel like he isn’t the worst person in the whole World, that he can have his best friend back again? Being honest, he’s not sure it will ever be possible. Jaehyun knows he was wrong, that he treated Jungwoo badly, but how long does he deserve to be punished for?

“Hello stranger…”

Jaehyun jumps, mouth dropping as he notices Jungwoo standing next to him. The silence that follows is painful for them both.

“It’s polite to say hello back you know…”

“Shit- I mean.. Hello. Sorry.”

“Jaehyun I was kidding.”

“Oh. Sorry…”

Jungwoo sighs and sits down next to Jaehyun, who is still trying his hardest to avoid eye contact.

“I need you to promise me something right now.”

Jaehyun looks up surprised. “Anything.”

“Stop saying sorry, please stop fucking apologising.”

Jaehyun nods. “Okay…”

Jungwoo rolls his eyes as the painful silence continues. “Are you going to say anything that actually means something today Jaehyun or should I just go back inside?”

He sees hurt flash through his friend's eyes and he immediately regrets the sharpness in his voice. “I’m sorry.”

“Who’s apologising now then hey?”

Jungwoo smiles slightly. “I guess we’re as bad as each other… in more ways than one.”

“Yeah.. I guess we are.”

Jungwoo takes a deep breath. “Hyung why did you leave?”

“Huh?”

“When I walked in. Everyone said hello, but you ignored me. Then you ran off…”

Jaehyun looks away. “I panicked Woo. You just looked so happy and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin it.”

Jungwoo sighs and places a hand gently on Jaehyun’s shoulder. “Hyung look at me.”

He doesn’t turn around. “Hyung. Look at me.”

Jaehyun slowly turns to face him and he feels his stomach flip when he’s met with his friend's kind eyes.

“You could never ruin anything Hyung. Not for me.”

Jaehyun stares at their hands, comforted by the warmth coming from the feel of Jungwoo's hand resting on top of his. It’s now that he realises how his heart has calmed down, how the pain from his head has stopped and that suddenly, the World is no longer spinning. As Jungwoo silently strokes his hand he feels safe, like everything is suddenly exactly how it’s meant to be, that just maybe, all will be okay. **They** will be okay.

“I’ve spent the last few months thinking I’ve ruined the most important thing in my life.” Jaehyun takes a deep breath. “The most important _person_ in my life. Losing you has been like losing part of myself. And knowing I caused it is still hard… really hard.”

Jungwoo stops stroking Jaehyun’s hand and wraps his fingers around Jaehyun’s, holding his hand tight, like he’s scared to let it go.

“Did you mean what you said when you came to see me… about me always having your heart?”

Jaehyun wastes no time in answering, “of course. Always.”

“Well then you have mine. You've always had it. Whatever’s happened it’s always been you JJ Hyung.”

Jungwoo winks at the use of Jaehyun’s least favourite nickname as Jaehyun clears his throat, desperate to remain strong.

“I’m scared Woo.”

“Why? What’s there to be scared of now we’re both here together?”

“I don’t know how to explain this without it sounding horrible…”

“Just try Jae, it’s okay. Go on.”

“I’m scared I’m gonna lose you and for good this time. I’m scared you’re gonna break again and I won’t know what to do. And I know that’s so fucking selfish of me but if it all goes wrong I can’t make it better. I can’t live with myself if I have to watch you in pain and I can’t help. You mean too much to me.”

Jungwoo sighs and shakes his head viciously. “It’s not like that Jae. It’s not you or anyone else, it’s me, it’s my stupid head. You know that deep down, I know you do. We’ve been here before, you’ve helped me before. You’ve seen me at my worst, you’ve seen me at rock bottom when I didn’t think there was anyway out. I should be scared of losing you, not the other way round. I should be scared that one day you’re simply gonna have had enough, that you won’t be able to take it anymore and you’ll leave.”

Jaehyun faces Jungwoo in disbelief, staring at him straight in the eyes. “I would never leave Woo, never. Whatever you need I will do, I promise.”

Jaehyun squeezes his hand as his voice cracks slightly, “I’ve got you always Zeus." He clears his throat. "I just wish...”

“You wish what Hyung?”

Jaehyun pauses, pulling his hand away. “I wish that it wasn’t too late. I wish- Oh!”

Jaehyun gasps as he feels Jungwoo's hand gently cup his jaw, tilting his chin upwards so their lips can finally meet. He feels as though electricity is suddenly running through his body, like he's in a dream he never wants to wake up from. He feels himself melting, clinging to Jungwoo as tight as he can, moving his arms to hold him tight by the waist. Jungwoo may have initiated the kiss but it's Jaehyun who's carrying it, desperation crying out of his every move. He's desperate to taste the softness of Jungwoo's lips, desperate to show how badly he wants this. Jaehyun thinks Jungwoo tastes like ice cream on a hot summers day, like the sun dancing though the clouds, like flowers and strawberries and all the beautiful things the World has to offer. He relishes in the closeness of the pair, his whole body tingling in a mixture of glee and disbelief. It's finally happening, and it was worth the wait.

As their lips part, both desperate for more, Jaehyun tastes salt amongst Jungwoo's lips and pulls himself back in shock, realising he's tasting tears. He leans in, pulling their foreheads together, gently wiping the tears from his eyes desperate for his smile to return, his heart breaking at the sight. He places his hands on Jungwoo's back swearing to never let him go. 

He whispers gently, "what is it? Tell me Woo what's wrong? This is meant to be a happy moment."

Jungwoo laughs gently, grabbing his Hyung and engulfing his whole body into a tight hug. "I've never been so happy." He kisses Jaehyun again, taking his time this time, savouring every second, enjoying the way their bodies fall together. "You're an idiot sometimes you know Hyung. You should have realised by now...

 **It's never too late**."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well then...
> 
> it finally happened !! ahhh omg i’m so nervous about this chapter i know it’s been a long time coming. jaewoo made up in the best way possible 🥺 i hope you enjoyed !! 
> 
> what i really wanted to show this time is neither of them are perfect. they could have been together from the start and they still wouldn’t have been perfect. perfection just isn’t always possible & once you accept that, it’s a lot easier to appreciate what you have already. i hope this is now the start of a beautiful relationship 🥺🥰
> 
> this story isn’t over yet ! there’s still a few more things that need to be solved and a few more things for them to learn. i can’t believe it’s all coming to an end :(( but i’m happy that we’re finally here ! 
> 
> as always i would love to hear any thoughts 🥺thank you to those who have left comments and kudos so far, i appreciate it so so much. 
> 
> i hope you’re all keeping happy and healthy ! 
> 
> \- m x


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